Dear Blog,

Today marked our 2 weeks. 2 weeks without my Prettyboy. Yes, we decided to go our separate ways on 11 September. Whatever happened that night shall be remembered. Everything. From the supper we had, the conversation we had, the moments when our eyes couldn't stare at each other for long.. afraid to find something magic happen, the heartbreaking seconds to let words flow out from our mouth, the awkward moments that simply hurts the heart as well. Basically everything still vividly still in my mind.

And the night I spent at his house. The night I got to spent just with his dad. The stories, dreams, family, advises that shared by him in that one night. I can't denied, it simply make me fell inlove with his family more. The love that his father shared on how much he love Prettyboy so much, the sacrifices he made etc. Such a heartwarming to hear those. Really. The moment when his father touched about my family. Since Prettyboy have yet to meet my parents(even we were together for 2 year 7months), his father doesn't mind to meet them. To get to know as a family. And i still remember he said, "Yelah mana tau ada jodoh nanti kite berbesan." You don't know how much strength I'd gathered to stop my tears from falling. I wish I could tell your dad what just happened that very night. Hoping to ease the restless feelings I had.

I didn't even sleep. Too worried about us. On what will my days be without you after this. Will things that we always do like text/calls/calling names stop? Will I be able to survive without heartache and missing you? Everything just oozed through my head. Killing me silently. I kept hooking my eyes on you for awhile, every few minutes. Making sure you were okay there laying. I watched you sleeping peacefully after the tragic you had. Nevertheless, I smiled. I'd never thought I could even watch you sleeping like this. Now I know how it feels like to have and see someone you love with you right before you close your eyes to sleep and waking up the next day. Yes, I never thought I could have this chance to feel and go through it. Amazing moment.

Look, in one night, so much of heartbreaking moments for our break up, the things I found out myself to clarify my doubts and assumptions that been bugging me were true (sorry I have to).. and yet there are still blissful moments in it. Seriously, it was a night to be remembered. I swear I cherished it as much as I can. The time ticked real slow seemed to allow me in doing so. How could it be so real amazing? I still thank Allah for all this. A beautiful nightmare I shall say.

Prettyboy, I wish you knew how much I long to be in your arms. I wish you knew I miss your warmth. I wish you knew you has always be you in my mind all day long. I wish you knew how much I miss you so. I wish you knew I really need your hug. I miss your voice. I miss your touch. I wish you knew how much strength you still give for me to go through my days just by thinking of you. I wish you knew my eyes would fill with tears for longing for you. I miss your laugh. I miss your forehead kisses. I miss your teasing and playing with my nose. I miss your nags. I miss your complains. I miss you whisper words to my ears. I wish you knew I miss everything about you. I miss my man because I really really do.

So, 2 weeks without you. It ain't easy. I still live my days exactly how when I was still with you. Hoping for miracle to happen. Hoping for your texts/calls. Hoping you missing me and think of me etc just like I do every single day. Still the same for now and I bet it will always be everyday but I'm trying my best to change this daily routine. Hm as much i don't want but perhaps, I should? I don't know. Gotta move on with life. Let time do it jobs.

Just in case you are reading this, I NEVER regret knowing and had you once in my life. I NEVER regret making you once as my breath through this relationship, as my another half, as my life. I've been sincerely loving you my whole heart. Only for you. I sincerely accept the pains I went and heartaches that I will be going through. I sincerely apologies for my insecurities all this while that have FOREVER be the issue. I sincerely apologies for my jealousy. Sincerely apologies for being too attached/clingy to you. Sincerely apologies for being demanding and annoying. Sincerely apologies for being selfish, each and everything in this relationship. Just so you know it is all because I love you so much. I want you ALL to myself. I just really afraid that other people might get to finally see what I'd see in you. I don't want others to have you. And, my greatest fear is losing you.

I'm facing my fear right now. Fighting it. You may not know how many times I fall back on my knees whenever I think about us. You may not see the pains, heartbreaks and crazy days I having right now. Yes, I know I'm not the only one because I believe you are having your tough days just like me. Someday, we will get over this. It's a matter of time we will get used to it. No worries my love, I still wish you all the best in your life. You still have my well prayers accompany throughout your days. Always. I promise.

Such a blessed happiness. I thank Allah for giving me the bestest gift so far in my life. I'm grateful for the experiences and each moments we spent together. Regardless ups and downs we had. You're the bestest bestest moments that happened in my life, Muhammad Kassim bin Sabari.