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{Monday, June 29, 2009 , 10:40:00 PM}
Even though I’m totally surrounded, I feel like i’m in here by myself. I shall not say anymore words. I will just make it more complicated, i guess. I don't want to confuse anyone anymore. I think you really need time, everyone needs it. See what you have to attend first. I don't want to go thru nightmares again, It is very terrifying to walk alone, seriously I don't dare to imagine what's up for me next. I afraid and scare of everything suddenly. I'm letting it go. Maybe i should and have to (maybe?). Really. Let wait and see, let time do it's wonders :) I don't enjoy much today, i don't have the mood to dance. Sigh. I don't talk much and Hirzie bullied me. Waaa! Don't know why. Everything went wrong. Hope tomorrow will be better. But i still have fun with everyone, that's make my day..still laugh and get crazy. And i don't want to attracts any eyes anymore like today. If not, I'm going to be a hot topic, attracts attention especially boys. Suke aje korg hahas! Beside that, heartpain many time. First about bag. That Aunty gave away to other customer. Waa best! Then i got jealous because Khai bought bear for his bestfriend. They fought the other day so he bought it as a make up. Lucky him to have him, very concern hor. Nana pon nak, boleh? I quarrel with you then you buy for me or something , can? HAHA LOL ! Next, i am verryyyy stress about this Wednesday. About that movie. I don't think i have the chance to watch *insert saddest face*. I have to cancel because i thought i not listed in for the DanVinci, but im in. So i have no time to go watch Drag me to hell??! Or maybe i have to make a quick one or something, then off to watch? Ok hopefully i can reallllyyyy make it this time. If not, say bye bye. I hope miracle happen on that day, i pray hard. But high chance, no drag me to hell. Anyway, I'm cutting my hair very soon, yea! Asked around and they don't ALLOW me to cut. Why huh? They really don't allow, they even get mad at me for that. Kena marah nana )': Darren say he don't even want to be friends with me, nor talk if i cut the way that i want. Haahaa, i don't care. I stress already laa, so i want that haircut. We will see (: Oh thankyou to you for top up for me. I have no idea who is that kindsoul but it would be nice if you tell me who you are. Thankyou very nice. Lastly, this is reallyreally random, Happy 4 years 5 months to me! Kamsani, all the best for tomorrow! Seeyaaa..! GOODNIGHT ! :) {Sunday, June 28, 2009 , 11:08:00 PM} No sparkling eyes. No looks, neither cute nor pretty. Bad hair always. But i am still beautiful? Meaning ? I know i am not gorgeous, no pretty no hot no wadsoever. I know all this, i got none of the category. I wish i was born perfectly, with looks, long silky gorgeous hair etc. If i am i would have BF by then ; You even says so. Kicking that aside. Impromptu plan with Leana in the morning after i wake up. Crazy me. Sudden feeling to go out, dress up, wanting to waste money. Went to Bugis. Yes, it's like a must for the two of us whenever we out for our date together *swink*. Saw Kamsani with his Anugerahmates. I wanted to surprise him but in the end, i was shocked because i thought he was with his friends, other friends i mean. HAHA! Then off to Orchard. This part, i got my McSpicy! Thanks Liana for going thru' all this shitty for my craving. I don't care if all the mats there or not, i want my McSpicy jugak. Thankyou! Been craving for that since i came back from Bali so yea, happy banget! Moving on, walked around Orchard. Walk-walk till saw Atikah! Gosh, i was shocked lor! Hugged her like never meet her for years. Just so happy to meet her. She went shopping alone? Oh my, i can never shop or walk alone especially in town. I will get lost and feel retarded LOL. For this part bear with me for awhile hehs. If not i have already watch that Drag me to hell. But again, i have to cancel it. And STUPID me for switching off my hp. If not, i would have watch with SimSim. Hell! See, this is really annoying! Tell me why. I really craving to watch it. I really want, can't you see? )': No one pity me. I'm not trying to make a big fuss here but i just wondering why. Why. It looks like i am fated not to watch it. So sian. Then apart from that. I really hate much about incidents in mrt. Over and over again all that freaking mamas should get a life! This time not the case of so-called molest but hold my hands? Hey hello! What was that? Accidentally because too like 'sardine dalam tin' and you have to? Goodness, nonsense eh korang! That's why i hate when it comes to squeezy mrt especially at certain stations. Darn! So insecure. Back to the story. Mingled around Orchard, Far East and Wisma. Window shopping only. Sales everywhere but nothing attracts me -___- Boring! Then off to Tampines. At least we bought something :) Leana was late, so she make a move first. Ya quite late actually(almost 9pm). But me, don't know why..again this stupid legs led me to Geylang. HAHA i repeat, Geylang. Went there alone. Don't bother to ask me why, i don't know why was i there. Afterwhich, i regretted HAHA! Because of all the mats and minahs, mat-mat kotai and mamas over there and it's dark too. I know you have eyes to see, but keep it to yourselves. Or even better go look at your own GF. She just beside you, and you flirt at the other hand? I pity your GF. I hope my BF is not like one. So ya, after making myself tired(and mostly all the shops closed), apa lagi..bus-ed home laa. So yeah, no pictures. Bila da dress up lawar2 tak amek gambar pulak. Aisey mak bedah! Okay, that's all *insert smiley face* Happy schooling to those who are back to school tomorrow :) STUDY HARD HOR ! {Saturday, June 27, 2009 , 11:39:00 PM}         First thing first, i almost get knock by a car at the junction near my area. YES! I was shocked. Lucky me, he was there to pull me back at the right time. If not, i landed at Hospital already by now. How come? I don't know. I look left right and left again. I didn't see any vehicles come before i cross. Ya, if not BANGG!! Accident. Just that my hand get hit by the side mirror. But im fine! :) I wonder if i really get hit by that stupid car, what will happen? What if i GONE instantly?? *touch wood* He scolded me for saying that repeatly, for not being attentive, cause firstly, i was trying to explain my situation and secondly, i was mumbling to myself all the way, and i, who almost get knock down, i repeat, who almost got knock down, can still laugh? Haaha! Aiseyman, relax laa im alright what, just that i find it was like a drama. You know like in the TV or any other movies. Hero comes to save the day. Tak ker macam drama tu HAHA. LOL. Tetap Allhamdulliah. I'm still here. Back. Went down Open Plaza to support our Natri in SingOut Competition. Meet with Atik first and then the rest. Since i have promised Natri, i came down. Ain't im sweet ? :) Okay la, everyone who came is sweet. Fair? Anyway, we was the most kecoh supporters group out of all contestants. YEAH! We want Natri to go for the Final! Im proud of my friends. They do have talents in them you see. So don't waste them. Glad that she get to the final. You go girl! After that, went makan. Hirzie Atik Hana Elah off to BB. Wanted to tag along with them but no mood to go far far. Then walk walk at TM TM1 and CS. I was about to watch Drag me to hell just now but my { , 10:22:00 PM}  Whatever may comes, just keep on smiling. Even if you have to pretend. Have a clear mind. You will think better then. As for me, after my good sleeps i will feel much better the next day. I've been trying to cast away the hurts and hatreds i having. I don't see the point anyway. It bring Us nowhere except drifting apart? Oh no, i don't want that to happen. Do you? It will just making things worse, right? They wonder why am i here and let myself get hurt? Oh well, i get hurt because i used to believed you won't do all this to me, and didn't expect that to be happening now and maybe because i do care for you Dearly that keeps me want to stay, not going anywhere. I believe all these should not be happening too. Close one eye again? Idk. I thought that being away for awhile might proof how much i mean to you. But again, i don't see all that. As human being, everyone makes mistakes. Includes me too. We have our own faults somewhere that we don't realised. Up to us to admit and accept own flaws sincerely. Otherwise, things tend to get cramps. This is the outcome. In life, you can't have everything in your hand at one time. You can but too much hurdles before can achieve it. Only if you are strong enough, if not, one at a time. You can't always be ego, can't always denied your faults, regretting and so forth. You have to be fair and be wise, knowing which one you need the most, close to your heart. Which you are happy to be with. I have to agree with this : "It takes some lost before you found it". I do believe that you win some, you lose some at the end of the day. It's either you appreciate or damage it. The one you love is the one who hurt you the most. At the end of the day, it's all up to individual. {Friday, June 26, 2009 , 11:41:00 PM} O Allah, Give me the strength to go through all these hurdles. Give me faith. Show me your guidance. Praying the one i love will not, never leave. If have to, if possible, let it be me. I know he means alot to you. I don't wish to spoilt any friendships here, your friendship with him too. Plus, I can't bear to see U like this. Hurtful. Maybe i may not be in your shoe, but i feel it. I know how much U have suffered with other things, and i here addingmore weight to it. There's limit for everything. Yes, everything. May everyone have peace in their mind. Show me if everything is meant to be like this. If otherwise, guide me the way out. Indeed, everything takes time. And all will come to an end soon. Good end i pray. I still have faith in you. I need you. If need time, i will not disturb. Or maybe i should not at the very first place. Thou i still feel bad for not being the right one..I will still be here..hanging on for now.I am still strong. { , 9:39:00 PM} Life is a maze. I still have yet to find the door for my way out. Eventually, i will find that door. Hopefully by the time they come to their sense and when things is much more clearer,it will not be too late for everything. I hope not. Such a nightmares. Yes, nightmares for me. After a good laughter and the very next morning i surrounds with nightmares. Bad nightmares! I can't image you and me falling apart, Includes the rest too. I can't bear seeing us be totally stranger again. I don't wish all this to happen. What's more if it have to involve with friendship. You should know me well. I am very particular when it comes to friendship, the most. I have been thinking about this alot. Friendship is one big mean alot to me. I don't want to spoilt any friendship that have been built. Be it the friendships you have with your friends or vice verse. If only i was born to be perfect.. Everybody will be happy, feel wanted needed and satisfied. And U need not have to suffer all this shit. U need not end up stressing & thinking how to handle my nonsenses and so forth. I thought i can make it this time round. But I failed. I refused to learn from past and mistakes. Apparently, i hurt the rest. The one i not suppose to hurt. I have always pray for things to get better. ALWAYS. I have been saying countless time that i wish for miracle to happen, i want everything to be better for Us. I hope i will not be gone and by time it will be too late for anything. I hope and wish i can still hang on tight and have the very strength. Am sorry for this shit have to happen. I feel bad for not being the right one. Really. {Thursday, June 25, 2009 , 6:24:00 PM} I just came back from clinic because i required to go. Nothing serious i hope. Now i have medicine to consume, and advised to stay at home. Aiseymakbedah! Anyway, I still yearn to watch Drag me to hell. I really want! I want! Supposed to have watch with him last week but due to certain reasons i have to hold it. I really hope i get to watch it before it will not be showing anymore :/ { , 5:33:00 PM} I'm a lost sheep with no direction. I can see the bright side at the end but it simply seems too far away. I ask myself why all the good things have to come to the end. Because for every beginning, there's the end of it. Either a good ending or otherwise. Everyone wish for good ending, including me and you. Please don't say that you feel unwanted because it NEVER my intend at all. You know me, and i will eventually tell you. Just that things is complicated over here. I don't want you to get stress up thinking all after all. Trust me, i always share with you. No matter good or bad condition I'm in, i need you. Because i am comfortable with you and my close ones too. Next, why i always end up getting confused? Even he say that i always confused in every situation. It is difficult to explain everything but i pray the best for us. To be frank i feel mad and useless. For not be able to help you. I don't know if i do make you feel lighten with burdens you already have...pacify you when you mad over certain issues..comfort you when you down or when you sick. I afraid that i may add more chaos . I don't know if i should be here or am i suppose to make my way out. I even wonder if i have had make you feel happy all this while and have always be there for you, lending you my hands. Or am i just creating more nonsense till you feel sick and tired. And sometimes, i think that you might feel regretted for knowing me. Maybe you wish not to meet me at first. If not, you need not face this shit over again. I know i should not let this across my mind. I know you dislike me saying this(maybe) but this is what i think. I just don't want the bad things to cover up all the good times we have all along. {Wednesday, June 24, 2009 , 1:11:00 AM} Let me dance. Let me dance like hell. Let me dance till i go crazy. Let me dance like nobody business. Let me dance non-stop and not feel tired. Let me dance like there's no tomorrow. Let me dance till i satisfied. I want because maybe that's the only way i have to release wadeve emotions i have. Because that was the awesome part of the day i had, with them - I owe them a BIG explanation, i know. { , 12:41:00 AM} Awesome time! A good start of the day. I was happy and indeed hyper. Kan Yana hehes. Kau pon! And i thought this could last for the whole day till night..But sadly no. Nevermind, let just make it short one. Had dance practise with the juniors and practise with the precusssion. I like. I can go high listening to their beats. Syiok..! Then freetime with hiphop dancers. We exchange dance again. And learnt Hindi dance too. Boleh jadi gile dengan dorg nie..best! Emy waited for me and then we both off to meet Diana. Actually, I have another practise with percussion at 6.30pm but didnt go. Sorry. So yaaa..but that outing supposed to be for me, but turn out to be different thing. Skip that part. We make our way to Simpang. Had dinner there with the rest of the dancers. Reached home quite late uh HAHA! That Emy is really something. Kekek-kekek! Share2 dinner gitu, talk talk till didnt realised it's already late. Laughed over silly things. Macam melatah laa, yang si Emy asyik nak jatuh aje dari Simei sampai la nak balik.. Abeh salah kan slippar sendiri. Aiyoyo! Apa punya orang. {Tuesday, June 23, 2009 , 8:28:00 AM} Selamat Siang! (Good day!) Shall update about my trip. I have thousands pictures. Impossible for me to upload here, and at FB i can only upload 200pix. Haiya. Then i having problem with my Multiply too. Will upload every pic at there as soon as possible. Back to the story. I'd really had my wonderful and great and fruitful time with my balimates. First and foremost, i was elated. Like a wish came true(!) Once my trip to Bali was cancelled..but now i really get to go. Sape la yang tak gembirakan. DAY ONE ; Thank you for those who came to send us off. Especially my Mum, Aunty and Uncle. To Raif came on behalf to send me too. So sweet! :) Flight delayed. Second time fly but still scared like hell. Thanks Fliq was beside me :) Upon reaching, meet with out bus couch, Adi. Then not to our Hotel,instead, straight to Sanggar Seni Citta Usadhi (our school hehes). Met with our two dance instructor. Both are couple. Had our warm up. Betol nye warm up seh. I think Abg Murah should do that, can be more flexible ahas!   So yea, we learnt the Balinese dance. I tell you, it was the most difficult dance i ever encounter. They expect us(Malay dance) to get those steps. Which we do, but only the body movement(butt jet and etc), but the steps was just too complicates. Terbelik-belik! Adding to that hands movement! You can simply get lost. It was a short day thou' due to flight delayed. Had dinner and check in Hotel ; Ari Putri Hotel. (below). Btw...they all jealous with our room because we got BIG bathroom *kening naik turun* While theirs have half of our bathroom size. Small. Ms Jill and Ms Chia said "So unfair!! We are the one who should get this room!" HAHA. Too bad.     DAY TWO ; A very long day. Standard. We have to meet up at 8am. So we can have breakfast before that. Breakfast was great! Omelet, 2 toast bread, additional light meal and orange juice/milk/tea. Off to school. All of us gave our fullest attention but at times we got abit side track and playful because we got stressed up and tried to loosen up ourselves. Then watched their dancers dance. I was amazed! They must have trained since young, indeed. If not wrong since 5 years old? Whoa! No wonder they are flexible and can have that S shape.         Despite us not able to perform at the Bali Arts Festival, we look at the bright side..make this trip as one fun learning trip. Yes all of us was truly disappointed, but hey..we all do have tons of fun, right? Get to learn the Balinese culture also. They every morning, afternoon and evening offerings and so forth. The way they buried dead people is much more interesting. And i saw it with my own eyes. Scary. Aside that, we went to Kuta Beach! Initially there no beach or sight seeing for us but due to some miscommunication with the agency...Adi was kind to bring us there. Sayang dier! So yaa..fun fun fun! Our dinner was fabulous! Just look at the pic above hehes. DAY THREE ;  (My favourite student, Indah) The title of the dance was 'Payembrama'. Our dance instructors was so kind and good that she want to make this trip a fruitful one for us even thou we cant perform at the Festival. They arranged for us to perform for the villagers. This part we all so stressed up because we left with 3days to get the steps right. Not to be so stress up, we do take some times to have fun together with the dance assistants. Exchange games with them. HAHA FUNNY! We also learnt the Topeng dance ; Mask Dance for the guys. I find that Mask dance is much much easier than Payembrame. Then another funny part when all of us have to do the vocal. HAHAHAHA! Kekek sehh! I should have video us doing that. Wasted! After that, we taught the kids Hiphop Dance. Goodness, the kids is ADORABLE! Especially my Indah :D Get to know her mum too. Kecoh pee..hehes!     At the end of the day, my arms was aching like hell. Thanks Khai for the very nice massage :) Bestttttt! That night, we girls went crazy in the room. I think the picture above shows it haha! Then decided to go to the Boy's room...slack-ed with the rest. I did nothing actually. Sat at the bed, watched TV and talk rubbish. While the rest ate their Maggie Mee outside. DAY FOUR ; In terms of dance practise, still the same as previous day. Done-ed with the formation, but still memorising and correcting steps and the timing too. Had our first rehearsal. Quite bad la because we don't really prepare for this. But I'm sure the know it's not easy to master the dance in few days. It takes years ok! Anyway, we spent most of our training with the dance assistants because our real instructor was the person in charge of the Festival. So they need to rush for the rehearsals. Back to Mask Dance. Again, had kekek time. We were taught to use different voices for different character, body movement, face expression too. The vocal part was hilarious! Must see each of our candid faces HAHA!    (Haicurl didn't smoke anyway, he just pretend. Thank you!)
Headed to Arts Centre. Supposedly we was there to watch performances but apparently no. Another mistakes from the agent side. At least we got to shop. Yea! I love the market so much. So cheap sia. Time given was not sufficient for us to explore the whole market :( At least i get what i want, only for the Prada bag, gong gong aku nie..isk! As usual, our dinner was awesome! *yummy* Then at night, off to boy's room again.
The day full of emotions. They day we performed with not much preparations. Still not so confident with the dance. But i believe and 101% sure that each of us do have a splendid time together. At the very least, we get to experience different type of dance, meet up with new friends, make up and their costumes..especially. Oh dear, their costumes sungguh seksa! They wrapped me with their bengkong like mummy sia. Freaking tight! And took time to get the proper wrapping. Panas beb hahas! For the boys lagi kecoh..punye la tebal baju. Brape layer tah. Till Haicurl felt not well...maybe he not use to wear all this. We were worried sick because we really had no confident to perform, but thank you to our dance instructors. They allowed their assistants to guide us in the front :) All went smoothly. Had pictures taking with everyone. But i didn't get to take pic with the real instructor. Haiya. And then...everybody start to cry. It was hard to leave the people who you have just meet especially when you have click well with them. The dance assistants really a sweet bunch of people, indeed!! They reluctantly let go of us when we were hugging one another :'( And seeing them waving with tears make me felt even more sad *sobsob*. This will always happens when kids are involved. I love kids and after be with them and have to leave them is a hard things for me. That Indah want to follow me back Singapore..HAHA! Indah i gonna miss you alot! *muacks*
After the downpour session, shopping time! Another beach sight YEA! The most popular one is Bali, Indian Ocean! Fantastic and romantic sight i tell you. I really enjoy my time there takingpictures adn blablabla. Especially SHOPPING! Murah sakkk barang sane. The most things that i shopped was bangles x) Lawarr! And we headed to Arts Centre again. This time with performances.
Quite interesting dance. I expected it to be like Chingay but no HAA! Tu la letak lagi harapan tinggi hehehehe! Then had our dinner. As usual, mavaloues! I enjoyed today the most. Laughing with Haicurl Yana and Hirzie at the back was just fun. Taking pictures with Hirzie haha, nonsense eh kite! Susah nak amek gambr betol-betol, with candid pictures. Then back to Hotel. DAY SIX ;     Back to hometown. Flight delayed for three hours and we stucked at the Bali's airport for that long hours. Supposed to reach Singapore by 3.30pm but at 4pm we still at Bali hahaha! Spend the rest of the time shopping, tired of walking..we slept and had massage session again. HAHA! I didnt joined them, i sat at one corner and entertain myself. Attitude kan aku ehhe! Then got traffic congestion..so our plane have to make 3 rounds before landing. Makaik! But but but still...i love about everything. Yes, every moment! Doesn't matter how tired we get during training and the warm up, stressup over certain matters..the most important things is all have a very fruitful trip together. I gonna miss the long bus journey with it's bouncy ride. I gonna miss sleeping, laughing in the bus. I gonna miss the beautiful scenery. I gonna miss the kids and our dance instructors/assistants. I gonna miss the sunset and sunrise. I gonna miss sneaking to the boy's room. I gonna miss the moments we had. I gonna miss everyone.   {Sunday, June 21, 2009 , 3:10:00 PM}
We shared an inevitable memories together. Wonderful and i will keep it close to my heart. I learnt new things with you guys. And i also discovered something abt myself. I can sleep more peacefully when i sleep close to someone. Not forgetting few habits about the rest. Especially Yana's habit before going to sleep. Haha, i really find it cute x) Not much conflicts occured, or shall i say none? It feels so good when you know and there's people who will be there to look after you. Thank you boys sending we, girls, back to our rooms every nights and we girls sneaked to the boy's room in return haahaa! Zie for cheat my feeling huh! HAHAHA..yes, was disappointed thou'. Atikah for fanning me when the air-con was broke down on our last day at Bali. Thankyou so much. Love Atik! Moreeee to be mention. As conclusion ; I     BALI ! |
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