Dear Blog,

It's been a week now since he requested for time-off. Yet to received any updates from him. Honestly, this waiting is killing me. I miss him much and been wondering if it kills him too just like me. :(

Now, i don't know what am I supposed to feel. For what I know for this whole week I've been feeling afraid. Afraid. Afraid. I afraid everything I feel is coming true. I afraid to wake up one day and not missing you anymore. I afraid I'm too hurt to care about us. I'm afraid of losing you. I'm afraid you wake up one day and realizing I'm not enough for you. I afraid you doesn't love me like those days back then when we first started. I afraid I won't be able to feel your warmth touch and hugs ever again. I afraid I stop missing and loving you like how I always do. I afraid of everything that is not supposed to happen, will happen.

Sincerely,
Me who is afraid of everything. :'/

Dear Blog,

Me and Prettyboy is having our down moment again. Eversince my previous post. Yes after few days after the incidets, we realized we been have quarrels. I don't know what's becoming to us. Is it me or me or me? Hm. It's really confusing. And recently, last Sunday, not that really terrible as my last post but more to heart-to-heart sorting. Just talk from what's on our mind and purely from heart. For me but don't know for him though. To compare, this is much more intense this time round despite no shouting and pin-pointing. And, you have no idea how much the fears controlled me. How nervous and in state of losing courage i was.

The fear of losing you haunts me still. So, he requested for a week time-off to think. With heavy heart, i agreed. I have to put myself in his shoe. He's in dilemma and need space. I have to respect. I know anything can happen at this period of time. Love can change. The feeling may fade away but i keep my faith stronger each day hoping what I fear is just a dream. I believe in fate as well. I pray each night that things will get better for us. Each morning I wake up, I swear, it's you come rushing in my mind and I pray for the best for us.

My Prettyboy, if only you know whatever emotions you're having, it effecting me as well over here. I do feel you. I can feel the sadness and confusion you're having and you know, I hate seeing you like this. I wish I'm there beside comforting you but you're near yet so far.

I can't predict what's next for us. I can't foresee now. All I can do is just praying and be prepared for the worse. That's all I afford to do for. I wanted to text you. In fact, i don't know if I should at the first place since you need your space to think. I really don't know. I afraid I may influence your decision.

I really hoping the best for us.
If you're reading this, decide what makes you happy. That's all I'm asking.