I’m frustrated with myself for being such in a mess. I don’t know how im going to get any of this work to be done. I can’t get my mind focus on anything, especially important things i have to attend to.

I wish things would just settle down - wish i could just settle down and not all over the place. Please at least i want to be ease into the day. So much of insecure feeling lately. Wonder why. This sucks! At one time, my mind could easily twist; thinking people are just faking their love towards me. Doesn’t matter any love. They seems not to bother me anymore. It’s the oddest feeling to think - ”are you here because you need someone or you need me??” You know, it’s really hard to assume they do really care for me cause, at particular time.. they may seemed to be there cause they need me. But, on the other hand, i feel not needed and alone thou’ iam surrounds by others.

Just someone to listen to me. That would be good enough. Just a shoulder to cry on and a big warm hug, that would be just perfect. Instead of scolding and making me feel worse. I dont want that. Making me feel push aside. This time, love are not helping me to focus on study. Not helping when i need help. Not encouraging when iam down. I don’t know whats wrong. I never want to open this heart to let it bleed again.

Now, i wish Nenek were here. Stay awake till im done with my late-night revision. Here, cheering me up when im completely feels the world is turning their backs on me. Ready to listen to all my endlessly complaints about love, friends dance and all. Mostly, i miss her hugs totally. I missing her presence the most.

What’s freaked me out the most is, Iam sick worried for my final year exams! Two weeks time. And i yet to revise and take things seriously. What the hell am i thinking? Where have my study mood gone to? As you know, my days is filled with dance so, left with weekends for me. Tsk. Iam disappointed seeing myself panic but not doing anything about it. Very much disappointed.

Sigh! Anyway, i feel much better now. Bye.

Whole day at the Sentosa with friends.

Had fun together. Went to explore The Universal Studio area. Not fully open but i can imagine how beautiful and FUN the place gonna be! The place is amazing!

Slacked for awhile enjoy the sunset. Ohhh.. i forever love this moment! Then off to SOngs of the Sea!! Awesomely wonderful lighting! Seriously serious.. i don’t really get the whole story of the play because i was too engrossed and enjoying myself with the beautiful lights and everything! HAHA!

Thou i did enjoyed my day with them.. but still, there this few particular moments it just don’t feel right somewhere.

Lanang Ayunda participated in ITE ITalent. Audition on last Saturday was not really to what we expected. Erm, to me, the excitement and confident level went down too drastic. But surprisingly we managed to get thru semi-final! Alhamdulilah. We never put any high hopes for this. Win or lose is part of competition you see. But for as long we enjoy ourselves, nothing else matter :)

Side story, had some misunderstanding between us all. Okay.. this was sucks big time! Didn't expect that things would be this way, and you know me, i never do all this on purpose and what’s more to be selfish. That just not me! I love you guys and sincerely, i want us to win as whole.. not as individual. It’s good that i cried all out after the audition. Just can’t stand it anymore.. adding to my other stressing matters.. crying is always the best way for me to feel better. So, all over. We always resolved it in a good way, and im proud of us! :D I will never mad at you for mad at me. I don’t take it to heart. Bestfriendsss ~

Forget about that. I believe what has happened makes us closer as one. Now, we have some serious matter to do. Getting to the next round is so exciting! Let’s us work towards our goal, as a team alright! I still love you all so so much :D

No proper pictures on the audition day due to the 'tense moment' among us.

And so excited for photo shoot tomorrow evening!!!!!