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{Saturday, May 30, 2009 , 2:55:00 PM}


Gosh!
I can be at my lowest point whenever every matters come knocking my door at one time, one shot. One after another playing in my head. I know i am still strong to face all this. I can still bear with this but just till i don't know when. But at times, it really gets tougher for me to hold on. Too much for me to handle. And for real, this heart can get so weak..very very verrrry weak till it do move me to tears. Do you know how much i hate to see myself in this state? I'd also questions myself. Why whenever i about to fixed with my decision, there always be something to change my mind? Why ALL keeps falling apart when i almost done fixing it? Just where is my wrongs? Can somebody tell me..? Who not gets tired if have to do it all over again, and again and again.

Yesh, lately things don't go the way that i expected. Just the way that i want.
All are over the place. Just hate the way it is now. So messed up, everything.
Moreover, i am quite disappointed over certain things. Hmm hopefully it's not for long and not what we all think it is. But if possible, don't wanna it to happen too. Really.

Beside all that, people tend not to realise with what they are saying and doing. Neither do they see nor feel how hurt we all are just because of small changes. It is affecting one or two, or should i say those people around you? By making one simple wrong move can make such a big mess, indeed. Oh well, let us look at the bright side. I'm not blaming anyone. I'm blaming myself for this mess because let just say it is my faults, mostly.
I will just leave it to time, may miracle happen before it's too late.

'It takes a loss before you found it'


{ , 1:45:00 PM}




Dance Momentum @ RP was great. All about dance. From Jazz to lyrical, Malay dance to Chinese dance & Indian dance and Hip Hop too. One fun event for those who really love to see different kind of genre. Personally, i don't enjoy most of the dance except for the our very own ITE Simei crew hehe. Yea, they was the most outstanding for Dance category. The rest okay, but I don't know why this time alot of dancers wearing sexy costume. So obscene hehe! Anyway, got to met Ms Elfa over there. Miss her, she look chubbier now and berseri ajee muke :) I swear after the whole thing end, our ears(me Khai George), especially our right ears gone deaf HAHA! That smart George went off after the interval, i don't know for what reason. Maybe because of the speaker that next to us. Seriously, that speaker killing us to deaf. Haiya, Ms Jill next time book for us that far away from the speaker or not so corner one, please? Because it really distracting to watch them from the corner and what's more with that loud speaker.
Beh tahan dey ...

Reached home at 12am. Another one hour journey back to my home place. By the time, very late night already. Through out our bus journey to RP, i did share things with Khai. Surprisingly, we both think alike, and going thru the same thing about that HAHA. Just hope what we think is not true la kan, and i really don't want that to happen lor. At least i get to know what i don't know and don't get to see. Quite dissapointing laa, but ya..we will see how. Therefore, I really thank you for sharing few of that with me. And after for so lonnnggg, i didn't except him to call me while i was on my way home yesternight. Surprised but thanks for accompanied me thou' if not i would have fall asleep.


{Wednesday, May 27, 2009 , 10:45:00 PM}



A very well spent on the last Sunday with my beloved family at East Coast Park. It was another family gathering. But still, a few of them didn't turn up, sigh! Anyway it was not only just like any other gathering but we also celebrated May's babies birthday too. Had awesome fun, for sure! Me Abang and Hafiz went there as earlier as 8 in the morning to book a suitable place for us. Me and Abang took a short nap while waiting for the rest to come. So damn sleepy. Satu-satu lambat.. bagush3! Good thing, what we planned went on smoothly and everything ended just in time, like what we had planned earlier :) Oh and by the way, i was the secretary for this thingy. Really! I also organized for the games too. I guess i really did a good job! *clap hands* So any company what to hire me?
Erm maid agency ? HAHA

I was the photographer for the day, so yea that's the reason why my face is not always inside the pictures :( no time to camwhore. Asal nak amek gambar aje mesti ade yang nak menyibuk. If not, i will be busy eating or laughing my ass out, seeing the candid side of them. Back to the story, there was 5 games in total. And i won 2nd place for making a creative costume. YEA! Mak won 2nd place too, for making sandwich contest :)



While the rest of us having fun laughing and did some catch up with one another, these kiddos never want to miss the fun either. They had their own way to entertain themselves by gathered in the middle of the shelter and riped off those prizes they won and from the door gift too. They played among themselves. Such a smart kids you boys and girls! I swear i was so much happy and enjoy by seeing them like this, hearing their cute laughter. After all activities done-ed, cut cake time! By then i was already full. And now, cakes.


Oh my, i really filled my stomach with alot of foods. And how am i supposed to resist all those luscious foods, you tell me!? So the-tempting lor! But whatever it is, you people really make my day. Just that my night didn't end with a good night, that's all.

This picture was taken just before my camera went totally off. Thanks eh!
Selalu bile part2 gini ade aje camera aku nak cari pasal ngan aku.
Luckily get to snap the whole of us. Not nice though :)


{Sunday, May 24, 2009 , 10:33:00 PM}


You saw me crying, tears were streaming down..while asking you a question. Do you know how happy i was with your answer, indeed i am really happy! I am a good friend of yours, you answered. That was the answer i was hoping for from you..with sincerity. After which, I thought this friendship of ours will still stand strong.

But look about now. What is happening to us?
We are drifting so much apart right now. Not like what we used to be. The happy me, the happy you. Maybe the people that come along our life, built bigger circle of friends between our friendship that changes of friendship somehow. Maybe you might never know how hurtful i am right now with all of this thingy. Partly because i will never want you to know. I want to still keep on trying with whatever i still can. I don't want to show my pained side.

In case you don't know..
I've been trying almost everything for you. You don't see all this. Making decisions that I almost sacrificed my happiness, my other friendship for you. Getting scolded from people for things i want to do for you..but still you didn't see all this. If you answered me on that particular day just to see me smile again, just to make me feel good, just to see me stop crying like a baby, just for me to believe that we are still friends like the very first day we met..then, let me say that this really sad me the most. It really sadden me to see us in this state, worsen each day. I am sad. And i never thought we could go this far, till this very extent. Never even cross my mind.

All i can say is, I am truly sad, hurt and extremely deeply disappointed with everything :'( I almost break down while trying to tell Liana but i decided not to. I don't want to utter a word but I just need a shoulder to cry on.
I need these tears to flow down so that i can feel better, at least.
Just for me to feel better, hopefully.
Just like what i did few days ago.

I'm tired with today's event plus I am down. I don't think that i can do well for tomorrow's AA1 test. I know i can do it(hopefully) but the confident suddenly drop down straight. I don't feel like revising again tonight. My brain cells is fried.
I just want to sleep :(


{Saturday, May 23, 2009 , 4:23:00 PM}


Congratulation Sharmila!
Finally you're married with your love life on the 10th May 09 :)
Just get to know about this. I am happy for you girl! To be with the one you love makes your life even more meaningful than before. Went thru' a whole lot of obstacles for the past years just to be with him, especially. And he's yours now. Oh and saw Uztazah yesterday. She said what happened to me? I lose weight already. Look skinny now. Erm really meh? I gained 2kg sia. How can i look even skinnier? But quite true la..i gained weight but tak nampak badan berisi pon. Pelik pelik. Only for my cheek is getting chubby, right? Till that someone likes to vibrate my cheek, haiya hehs! Back to the story. She also told me that Shamila will be coming back here in few days time. Hopefully i get to meet you soon. When is mine? Soon..maybe tommorrow? HAHAHA.
May you have a blissful marriage.
I want to meet the newlywed :)

Im going back to study. Really. Bye!


{Friday, May 22, 2009 , 6:41:00 PM}



School today was just fine. I was happy in the morning because i managed to wake up at 6am. The reason being, for the past 2weeks i have difficulty in waking up early. End up i late for my morning class by at least 30 minutes. After which, i happily go and take a bath etc. By then, i realised SW start at 9.30AM! Whaaa! 'Bagus bagus bagus' hehes! So i have like two pathetic hours at home. Took a nap for awhile then decided to go online because i afraid i might overslept then late again for class. Video call with my cousin. Mak joined us together with Aunty. We let the two sibling chit chat over the laptop for awhile. HAHA pagi pagi buta da webcam kiteorg. Then it's time for me off to school. SW was fun. Free to do anything..so i went to gym. Lovin' it! (: The first person to go in but after i done with those station that i want to try, i felt so paisey. Punye la ramai orang pat gym..tapi yang pelik nye aku tak prasan langsung hahahacks! Then the rest of the time, play badminton with the rest. Wanted to play with Hykel and Khai but my class has ended. Never mind next time ajeer la yee.. *insert smile face*

Currently, I just came back from clinic. Go for my check up. Then went shopping for this Sunday's event. Can't wait! Oh ya, after reached home..Mak forced me to drink that banana milk. Yucks! It taste so-the-very-not-nice one! Mak say it is good for digestion and blablabla. And i have tummy ache. Grr! Thank god, now okay already. But just don't start again okay my dear tummy. HEHE! By the way, i should be revising for my AA1 which is this Monday. Not here blogging and youtube-ing for 'CHIKA'. Atik recommend me to watch and it's been a long time since i last watch indon movies. Watched half way but i will surely continue when i really have the free time. Mesti punye!

I guess that's all i want to update. Will update more soon. Off to do my revising and will be back online again at night. See yaa..! :)



- - - - - - - - - - -




HAPPY BELATED 19TH BIRTHDAY !


Sorry for my late wishes to this 3 dearly girls of mine.
To Ellisah -14 May- and Wartika -16 May- (first picture), i really have no idea how you both been doing now. No news from you. I really lost contact with the two of you. I dont't know which number you are using currently. But where ever you both might be, i hope you are doing fine down there. I really do wish for us to meet up one day. I miss our old time where we all really have a good time together.
To Farah -19 May-(last picture), may you have a good time learning and exploring in ITE. And i assume you are already comfortable with the atmosphere here and are clicking well with your friends, right? Except for your class end late always hehe :) Kate Nursing mah, first to go in..last to go out. Standard la tuh. So, study hard and don't naughty naughty eh makcik..ahhh ade ade je nanti HAHA!

May what you wish for come true darls!

GOD BLESS YOU THREE. LY :)


{ , 12:42:00 AM}


So close but yet so far.


{Monday, May 18, 2009 , 11:09:00 PM}


I really didn't expect to break down in front of them during lunch break just now. In front of everyone who passing by us, my friends who was sitting with me especially. I really don't know what got into me at that moment. But what i know i was weak at heart at that very point of time. I was too weak till i can't hold my tears no more. Imagine we were talking, and at the other end, i was sharing a few things with Liana. Unwittingly my voice started to change and these eyes get a little wet. And then turned into downpour. Very thank you Liana for lending me your shoulder for me to cry on. I feel so light at heart. Those hug do make me feel secure and believe things will get better someday. Hmm suddenly i feel that it's been a long time since i get to feel those warm hugs from someone when i was down. Thank you girl! :)

But frankly, i do really can't hold it any longer. I tried not to let those tears out from my eyes but futilely, i can't. It just too hurtful for me to ignore, and at the same time too pain for me to bottle all this up. My heart was hurting very badly, seriously. Thanks Liana for trying to pacify me. I know you never expect me to shed tears, neither do i. She also say she dislike seeing me cry partly because she never see me cry before and she never thought i would face this kind of situation and break down suddenly. Sorry to make you guys worried for a moment. Sick worried for my sudden changes. Like i said, i was weak at both mind and heart at that time. So sorry. Since then, i having a slight headache till now. Alermak, sungguh tak fun.

Anyway on another happy side note ;
Congratulation to Kamsani! He's in Top 20 now! I'm so very happy for you.
After dance went home, and watched Jus at Suria. I was so nervous when your name still have not been mentioned. Especially when left only another two person to go into Top 20, a girl and a guy. But after the long wait, akhirnya nama die ade jugak. Alhamdullilah. Like what people say, save the best for the last..kan kan kan? :))


{ , 12:27:00 AM}


My trip to JB last Saturday was not a boring trip this time round. I will sleep thru'out the journey there(if take bus). I have no one to talk to because there only my aunties and of course it is not so feel to talk about teens thingy with them, right? HAHA! Therefore, i have to buy magazines to keep me accompany. But it won't last long. I end up sleeping on my mum's shoulder. Pity me. Thank god, my cousin decided to tag along with us. Almost a year since we last met. As in we go out and have some fun, crack latest jokes and gossiping, especially about that beloved ex of yours haha! I missed all those moments. So we really did a lot of catch up in the bus. It was light at heart, at least, after pouring almost not half of what i feel and going through.




Funny incident do always happen. We both got lost. We both laughed till we end up don't know where. I swear, i don't want to get lost again especially in place that I'm not familiar with. Scary. I even got lost while trying to be heroin, go search for my cousin and her mum. What the fish! The people there really love flirting with girls who are walking alone. Some more, they can recognize people who are not from Malaysia. And another part where Mak really can play along with that guy. He trying to flirt with me, can't you see? Haiya..lagi boleh suroh dia masuk meminang?! Nak mampos ke?! Letak sejuta dollar pon aku taknak seh! Taknak taknak! Lau mak setuju nana lari HAHAHA! Mcm p! So that's my Saturday. Very well spent with my aunties and cousin.

Moving on to Sunday. Supposed to watch Jangan Tegur at Causeway Point with SimSim because he said that it's going to end soon. Even thou he have watched it, he still want to watch again because he forgot the storyline already hehes! But instead, we went to Clarke Quay. Might be watching Jangan Tegur very soon before that movie end. Hopefully. So April and another guy participated for the Show Quest. Congrats April! She managed to go for the next round. To that guy, it's ok..try harder next time :) Then we headed to Vivo together with Sani and Mama. Walked for awhile and that SimSim bought alot of things today. Shopping sakan nampak haha! After that, went Banquet and home sweet home. Very tiring together with the tiredness from yesterday's fatigue but i do had a great day after all :) Anway SimSim kena bully by us again..hehe always :) And so sorry about what i said just now. I know i should not mention those things but TERkeluar dari mulut..tak sengaja pun. Terkejot bila Sani pon tegur hehs!
So ya..very sorry hor!


Lastly, i really do miss this girl a very whole lot !
Do get well soon girl, i really miss you...really..


{Wednesday, May 13, 2009 , 12:54:00 AM}


It is hurtful at times, a very very one.
But i know i can still continue to be strong.
Even if i have to pretend.
I believe. I'll try.
Praying and seeking helps from the one above.
May you always give me the strength that i need.


{Monday, May 11, 2009 , 7:01:00 PM}


HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY AKMAL!!!

I never fail to wish this boy each time he turns a year older. I'm glad for what you have achieved so far, what you dream for. I'm happy for you! :) May you continue running after your dreams, continue be a successful and strong man. May you always happy happy alright.
Allah bless you :)

- - - - - - - -

I don't know what to say but..
Each time when things are getting better,
few things will start to fall off once again.
I do want to share things but at times, i don't see the need of it.
I afraid, because i always have this thinking it will make things worse or maybe it will just make no difference especially when they don't or don't even want understand what I'm trying to say. It will even gets harder especially when you don't even know how to put it into words for them to reallyyy understand how you feel inside.
But what i am afraid the most is, this trust of mine starting to fade away.

I gonna be my own best friend.
NIGHTS !


{Sunday, May 10, 2009 , 11:41:00 PM}


To all mummies, especially to my Mak, HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!


Thank you Mak for everything little tinny things that you done for me all this while. Every sacrificed you made are just very too hard for me to repaid with anything. Even how mad i am at you over silly matters, how hate i can get because you always disagree with me, i love you alot! I might not always say these three words every single day like how other children do before they go to sleep, after they wake up and so forth. But, deep down inside i will always love you forever and ever, no matter what. And i utterly sure that you do know that :) You are everything to me. All i can say is that, I can't even imagine to live without you. Therefore, I have always pray for your health, may you always stay healthy and strong. I may not be a perfect daughter, but i will try be the best and do things that you can be proud of. You are great in every way. I need you and you know that too. No one can replace you. And therefore i love you Mak! :)





Aunties and uncles came over to celebrate Mother's day together. If only late grandma were here, she will be happy to see her daughters, grandchildren gathering again. But now she's in better place and she must be smiling looking at us. Nana sayang nenek banyak banyak! It's been a long time since this house turn upside down with all those kiddos crying, running around and filled with their laughter. I miss all those moments. So ya i love today! Spent time and we update one another about school, work, family and the list goes on...






While those kids was playing and shouting outside the living room, this little angle of mine, Insyirah(above) quietly studying inside my room. My sister was revising inside and she also want to study. When she grow up in the future, i can see that she will study hard and insyallah till Uni. Insyallah.




Back to the story. The rest of us was having fun. As usual, the ladies will always have alot of topics to talk about. But, mostly they were discussing about the pit for next week. I became their assistant coordinator/writer. I have to note down everything. Contributed some ideas for them too. From the games to prizes and this to bring. But in the end, i get lost haha! Everyone was excited and talking at the same time, i really don't know which one to write. So when they ask if i have list everything, i give them my blur-face HAHAHAH! Amek kau! Tu la berbual lagi tak ingat orang, kan aku da lost. Da kena repeat balik ahahs! While the ladies having fun talking, gossiping and whatsoever together, the fathers also want to have fun just like them. So they karaoke. And since my dad loves to sing 70s-80s songs therefore, the rest have to follow suit too hehehe..kesian kesian.



And as for me, i have my most favourite-fun time entertaining these kiddos! It's been so long since I last saw them and i was literally happy to spent time with all of them today. Partly because their mother was busy with their things,busy chit chatting outside and since I was a loner because few of my cousin working, few didn't turn up, i have no one to play with. So they become my play-mate for the day. I'm lovin' it!
Mane nak layan dorang minum la, pergi bilik air la, nak mainan la nak itu la ini la..
Waduh! Capek sih gue!


{ , 11:03:00 PM}


Firstly, i am very very proud of this friend of mine, Kamsani.
Went down to East Point for the Anugerah audition on last Saturday to support him. Waited for few hours before his turn. Slacked at Burger King with his family and other friends too. Da macam rumah sendiri gitu kite uat..hahas! The place that we sat was at least the right spot for us to see other contestants who participated. Some more with the door open, hahas!

( Kamsani )

We even sat there from afternoon till the shop closed. Waah, melampau or what? HAHA.
Moving on. All of us was scared for him. It obvious that he was nervous. But as expected, he can covered his nervous-ness when he on stage and he did a good job, really good! Out of all, he was the only one that sang the song, 'Selamat ulang tahun sayang'. It was quite boring to hear the same songs being sang by other contestant. Macam macam ragam ada.

(Kamsani's mum and me)

After which, we went Banquet. I have no plan on that day so decided to stay for the result. The result will be reveal at 7.30pm. We have like two hours and trust me..we was really bored, we have nothing better things to do except for standing, walking around the mall teasing friends with that 'pretty women' haha! SimSim was scared of her till i was the one who have to protect him from that women. That Syafiq also! Step macho je pat luar padahal, padahal HAHA! Dua dua kena senyum aje teros lembik :) So funny! But to be frank, that women is really creepy. Her make up and especially her eyes! The way she look at people or maybe search for victim was creepy. What's more with her smile. Ohmy, that's is scarrryyy! Anyway, the result was at supposed to be at 7.30pm but extended till 9.40pm because have to wait till other contestant finish. That was freaking longgg. My legs gone jelly, our body aching, everyone was complaining sleepy.


( Syaiful and Fadly)

Finally the results is out. I was damn happy that Kamsani get to go for the next round. Which is today. But didn't go to support him because of the Mother's Day gathering at home. Anyway, to Syaiful, Faiz, Fadly and Afiq, don't be disheartened. You all did your best, and keep on trying and never give up alright :)

(SimSim, Ema and Me)




{ , 10:29:00 PM}





{Friday, May 8, 2009 , 9:23:00 PM}


7th May 2009


HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY AZURA!

May you will always be strong for everything that comes along in life.
Happyhappy always :) Remember to study hard wokay!
And may your dreams come true !


{Tuesday, May 5, 2009 , 12:43:00 AM}


You don't know how afraid i was at that moment.
Apparently, no reason for me to feel that way though, but,
this heart just don't feel so right, it just so insecure..


Goodnight.


{Sunday, May 3, 2009 , 9:06:00 PM}





I don't wanna do anymore quizzes at FB, (but i know i will still do it hehs) i don't wanna continue dying playing that LAME game over and over again. Eventually, i still continue playing despite more than 30 times i keep on re-doing the questions. Thanks Aaron for playing with me and exchanging answers to pass those questions :D So credit to Afiq for introducing me this. Thank you! Somehow it helps my mind side track a little. And end up i even forget to do research for my TPS 0.O Oh anyway, went to my cousin's wedding. I like the theme. And i love the dongdang sayang team(above). I told my mum that I want to hire them when i got married in the future *swink* HAHAHAHHA! (mentels eh bbual sal kahwin).
- - - - - - - -


Finally I've pour out what's bothering me all this while. It's only part of it but still, i feel light at heart at that time. Erm eventually it will weight back once again. It seems so right but to think again, it feels too wrong for me. Partly because i not the kind sharing my burden around and mainly, I'm not used to it. So if i happen pouring out my feeling and so forth to YOU, call it a miracle. About the word trust, i still have problem with it. As in the exact 'trust' is still in process. Fret not, I'm working on it. Just that it takes time, everything needs time indeed. Not sure till when but hopefully in time to come.
Thou' they have warned me before and i knew that I'm taking a risk in what i have been doing all along. Because at the end of the day, i might be the one who will loss everything. Profusely i keep reminding myself to take things slowly. In fact i am actually. But again I'm trying hard not to prolong it, holding things back -.-'' However, at the same time i must learn to let things go slowly. No matter how precious it is to you, but in life, you have to. So bottom line i have to learn and adapt with.
Insyallah i will get the hang of it :)


On another note;
After for so long and what happened recently, my mind seems to be running back to you. It's like out of the blue..everything reminds me of you. I'm not mad at all, i don't even go crazy for this flash-back-moments. There's nothing wrong in looking back sometimes. Because it maybe the source for you to muster the courage to move on . .
MAINLY apart from that, i am missing, really miss, my late grandma a whole whole lot!! If only you were here, I will pour out everything to you. What I'm going thru, in every aspect, each and everything. Because i know you will listen to all my complains attentively. Maybe you won't be cry with me but at the very least i have a place to cry on. You was the one who i trusted the most. The only one who knew every little thing about me, good and bad that I've done. Alot of things i shared with her, my parents, siblings friends don't even know up till this time. After all she was everything to me & I guess i relied too much on her then. Now who would listen to me very attentively like she always did? :'( Overtime, i know i will continue standing on my two feet, strong to face it even all by myself.


p.s :And life's too short to dwell on all that's wrong


{Saturday, May 2, 2009 , 3:16:00 PM}


My aunties/uncles and family said that i have the look like her.
I don't know how far this is true...
Friends laugh their ass out when i told them this!
Really, i swear they did!
- - - - -

"Which Bollywood Actress Are you?"
Aiswarya Rai !
Congratulations, You are Aishwarya Rai: The Ethereal Beauty! Aishwarya Rai won the Miss. World Pageant in 1994 and since then has taken Bollywood and Hollywood by storm. She is beautiful, glamorous and intelligent and knows how to make the best of things. She does not believe in going under the knife to enhance beauty and will never sacrifice her elegance and dignity for anything. Once she has a goal, she will stick to it and show the world that anything is achievable as long as you put your mind to it properly. Aishwarya will do anything to achieve the highest...and that is a fact.


Will update more later .. BYE!


{Friday, May 1, 2009 , 10:54:00 AM}


1st May .

Time flies really fast. A month has ended and here comes May. I don't know what May may bring for me this month. I just praying for the best as my down month-April was a real chaotic month for me and us. Yea, it's pretty tough pit-fall but at very least, I'm glad that i still managed to survive till now but until don't know when. Like what my friend said, time isn't favorable to me. I must take things slowly, and don't be rush. So does another of my friend say. He told me that I have change, the smile that i used to have is no longer the same. Not like what i usually am, happy bubbly girl. Indeed, i realized the changes in me. Friend, i didn't seek any help or opinion from you that moment but you can sense something isn't right somewhere. And for that i appreciate it and thankyou for injected some encouragement and agreed a few of what that i have said. Thankyou!

So i really want the best for me and everyone. We have tried of very best to resolve things..fixing all patches as much as we can. Honestly, i am tired with all this. Very much tired as things keep going back to square one in the end. As much as i want to stay, as much as i want this moment to continues, but there's certain point of time whereby it will never turn out to be the way we want. We always have to give in, and always have to accept the fact that something have to be let go, no matter how reluctant u feel. Making it even worse, if someone always wants things to get done asap because the overcome will turn out bad.

What about my love wise? As far as you know, i have lost track about this. It been yearssss since i last felt the meaning of it. To that particular guy, just so you know, it took me two solid years to accept reality that us is gone. I'm not mad at for leaving me this way, having bad thinking about guys. Instead, I'm thankful because you taught me to the meaning of appreciation, the meaning of REAL lost and so forth. You used to have everything it takes. But hey, hatred did filled my heart towards you. I'm still mending my wound and trying to trust people again. Our indelible memories was the only thing that keeps me moving on. I waited for years and hoping for another us again. Friends saw how hard it was for me to encroach you away, eventually. Still, every now and then, there will always things that will reminds me of you,..still misses you. I smile when things reminds me of you. But i know the fact we both are a goodfriend. And I'm glad, very happy :)

After for that so long, I lost in touch with relationship. I feel awkward/uncomfortable/don't-know-what-to-do when it comes to love matter now. I tend to run away from it no matter how hard i try to deal with it. Because i afraid to be hurt twice. I afraid to be go thru' it once more. Once is vastly enough for me. But on the other hand, UNWITTINGLY, i might give hope to them, and i profusely feel bad for that. I really fear of people having bad thinking about me. I truly afraid of that, truly. I hate myself for not so sure with the feeling in me. I can't seems to find the love in me anymore. To sum it all, i end up getting confused and lost and dragging other people even confused with me. Making them suffer, and difficult for them to make the next move. Thus, the problem lies only with me not them. I always be the reason why for this thingy, always! My previous love engulf a major impact to me. I hate myself for letting it affecting me up till now. So ya, if they have to blame anyone, put the blame on me. Like what one of my friend said, I'm the author and narrator. Everything is up to me to decide. I'm sure they don't want to prolong it any further. I really have to do something about this, but in my own pace, my own way. I have to make moves that might not be a good move for us & everyone. I have enough feeling badd all this longgg. Afterall i'm just wasting everyone time. They also giving up on me. Oh well i can see they sick and tired already. So true...

I don't see the needs to feel regret for what i have said. Even if i feel that way, I have to face it in any form. I have to be prepared. There's no way for us to turn back the clock. To the time where everyone was fair in everything and happy moments. Goodbye may be the last resort for everything. Unfortunately, things are getting much much obvious to be different, and therefore, people are acting differently. People are changing. Their behaviour pained me much. The way they speaks and response. In short, everything seems to be off track on the other side of us. Maybe because we are rushing things too much.

Since people can't see the efforts/sacrifices i made so let just it be this way.
I tired to shed another tear, & i trust ain't no one.
Let time takes it course. See how far this can go.
Hoping for the best in what i can still do.
May May brings at least abit of happiness in us and everyone. Amin.


{ , 6:26:00 AM}


However, when the friendship is challenged you may be tempted to get up and leave. This is when the integrity of the friendship is challenged. You may feel afraid to trust and share your deepest secrets. Friendship is not for the weak of heart. Real friendship takes strength. People been expecting that friendships will make them feel good all time. The truth is that if one expects a relationship to always be fun and lighthearted, he is missing the point of friendship. Everyone wants to hang around when there are good times to be had. The real test of friendship is being there when the going gets tough."



About Me


Turns oneyear older on 19sept
I'm talkative and happy-go-lucky
Appears strong but never will be.
Muslim and i proud of it.
Searching for sumthg that last long.
Currently happy with what i have.




As time passed

August 2007, September 2007, October 2007, November 2007, December 2007, January 2008, February 2008, March 2008, April 2008, May 2008, June 2008, July 2008, August 2008, September 2008, October 2008, November 2008, December 2008, January 2009, February 2009, March 2009, April 2009, May 2009, June 2009, July 2009, August 2009, September 2009, October 2009, November 2009, December 2009, January 2010, February 2010, March 2010, April 2010, May 2010, April 2011, June 2011, July 2011, August 2011, September 2011, December 2011, February 2012, March 2012, December 2014,

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