KUEEN

The heart says it all :'(

2011-09-25T02:12:00.013+08:00

Dear Blog,

Today marked our 2 weeks. 2 weeks without my Prettyboy. Yes, we decided to go our separate ways on 11 September. Whatever happened that night shall be remembered. Everything. From the supper we had, the conversation we had, the moments when our eyes couldn't stare at each other for long.. afraid to find something magic happen, the heartbreaking seconds to let words flow out from our mouth, the awkward moments that simply hurts the heart as well. Basically everything still vividly still in my mind.

And the night I spent at his house. The night I got to spent just with his dad. The stories, dreams, family, advises that shared by him in that one night. I can't denied, it simply make me fell inlove with his family more. The love that his father shared on how much he love Prettyboy so much, the sacrifices he made etc. Such a heartwarming to hear those. Really. The moment when his father touched about my family. Since Prettyboy have yet to meet my parents(even we were together for 2 year 7months), his father doesn't mind to meet them. To get to know as a family. And i still remember he said, "Yelah mana tau ada jodoh nanti kite berbesan." You don't know how much strength I'd gathered to stop my tears from falling. I wish I could tell your dad what just happened that very night. Hoping to ease the restless feelings I had.

I didn't even sleep. Too worried about us. On what will my days be without you after this. Will things that we always do like text/calls/calling names stop? Will I be able to survive without heartache and missing you? Everything just oozed through my head. Killing me silently. I kept hooking my eyes on you for awhile, every few minutes. Making sure you were okay there laying. I watched you sleeping peacefully after the tragic you had. Nevertheless, I smiled. I'd never thought I could even watch you sleeping like this. Now I know how it feels like to have and see someone you love with you right before you close your eyes to sleep and waking up the next day. Yes, I never thought I could have this chance to feel and go through it. Amazing moment.

Look, in one night, so much of heartbreaking moments for our break up, the things I found out myself to clarify my doubts and assumptions that been bugging me were true (sorry I have to).. and yet there are still blissful moments in it. Seriously, it was a night to be remembered. I swear I cherished it as much as I can. The time ticked real slow seemed to allow me in doing so. How could it be so real amazing? I still thank Allah for all this. A beautiful nightmare I shall say.

Prettyboy, I wish you knew how much I long to be in your arms. I wish you knew I miss your warmth. I wish you knew you has always be you in my mind all day long. I wish you knew how much I miss you so. I wish you knew I really need your hug. I miss your voice. I miss your touch. I wish you knew how much strength you still give for me to go through my days just by thinking of you. I wish you knew my eyes would fill with tears for longing for you. I miss your laugh. I miss your forehead kisses. I miss your teasing and playing with my nose. I miss your nags. I miss your complains. I miss you whisper words to my ears. I wish you knew I miss everything about you. I miss my man because I really really do.

So, 2 weeks without you. It ain't easy. I still live my days exactly how when I was still with you. Hoping for miracle to happen. Hoping for your texts/calls. Hoping you missing me and think of me etc just like I do every single day. Still the same for now and I bet it will always be everyday but I'm trying my best to change this daily routine. Hm as much i don't want but perhaps, I should? I don't know. Gotta move on with life. Let time do it jobs.

Just in case you are reading this, I NEVER regret knowing and had you once in my life. I NEVER regret making you once as my breath through this relationship, as my another half, as my life. I've been sincerely loving you my whole heart. Only for you. I sincerely accept the pains I went and heartaches that I will be going through. I sincerely apologies for my insecurities all this while that have FOREVER be the issue. I sincerely apologies for my jealousy. Sincerely apologies for being too attached/clingy to you. Sincerely apologies for being demanding and annoying. Sincerely apologies for being selfish, each and everything in this relationship. Just so you know it is all because I love you so much. I want you ALL to myself. I just really afraid that other people might get to finally see what I'd see in you. I don't want others to have you. And, my greatest fear is losing you.

I'm facing my fear right now. Fighting it. You may not know how many times I fall back on my knees whenever I think about us. You may not see the pains, heartbreaks and crazy days I having right now. Yes, I know I'm not the only one because I believe you are having your tough days just like me. Someday, we will get over this. It's a matter of time we will get used to it. No worries my love, I still wish you all the best in your life. You still have my well prayers accompany throughout your days. Always. I promise.

Such a blessed happiness. I thank Allah for giving me the bestest gift so far in my life. I'm grateful for the experiences and each moments we spent together. Regardless ups and downs we had. You're the bestest bestest moments that happened in my life, Muhammad Kassim bin Sabari.

---

Him: "Let say if one day we meet each other again and there's still spark in us, would you mind if we get together again?"

Me: "If we are meant to be, we will always be"

:')

2011-08-24T16:15:00.005+08:00

Dear Blog,

Here I am again ranting my feelings. Things been really out of control. Yes, there's no other things except about me and Prettyboy. He's the only reason I have that can make me smile. He is also the only reason that can tear my heart apart. I'm not saying he is a bad person. I'm not saying he is someone who's not worth having. All those things I've ranted here about him, im not trying to say that he's useless etc. He's the best thing I ever had. He is still despite what I've gone through. You never know what's true love is without true pain. We do have our good moments, alot. But lately it just ironic that I've forgotten those moments we had. It do freaked me. I can't remember how we used to be before this. How we communicate. How we actually can talk about everything under the sun freely. I miss those. I miss having you texting me, calling me during your free time in school, randomly sweet texts, your voice, your warmth. All. I miss having the feeling to be loved by you. :(

I've always feel that I've been replaced by the people you met along the way. You always make me feel worthless. I've never know the feeling of worthless till this is actually how it does feels like. Yes, I know you do love me which I can't denied as well. But why didnt you show it to me just like how you have towards others? Why you can do to them but not to me? If you did, then tell me what have you did? You know, lately after all those incidents, it got me even more insecure. You don't know cause I'll never tell you. Why? Cause I'm afraid of getting the blame for my insecurities again. You dislike it. So I keep it. I stand on my own feet with all my emotions. I believe I am strong. But ended up, I cry to myself each night.

At times, I'm asking myself. Who am I to you? Why I feel just the same as those people in your life. Im not saying you can't befriends with people. I'm not saying you can love them or whatsoever. You can. I never want to stop all these things cause I know you the kind who needs people around you. You need attention, love and care not only from me the world to support you. I'm okay with it. But just that, it's unfair for me you see. I don't want what others have but I just want what I deserve.

I wonder if you do ever feel of afraid of losing me? Have you? I wonder if those tears I cried for you even infront of you made you feel guilty, remorse of whatsoever. I wonder if I even important to you. I wonder if I ever change your life to better since we met. I wonder if you actually feel what I feel and can see the hurts right through my eyes. I wonder if you actually sense my sadness behind me smile. I guess not.

It is really sad moments then lately whenever we meet, I am afraid to look into your eyes. I afraid to find the answer to how long more you wil stay with me. I am afraid of losing you for sure. But yet again, what about you?

You know, it do REALLY scares me to see us going through this phase. Hanging by the thread. Going with the flow. We know things isnt right but ignorance is what we choose to be. I wanna make things better and sort things out asap but you and your time. It's never a prefect time for me to say my points or views. I'm tired of waiting when and it kills me slowly. I bear with the pain because I don't want to spoil your day with my feelings. Yes, for you I hang on to myself. You told me to share but when I do, you will push me away each time. It's sad. I hope you now know the reason to why you always didnt get to know my another side.

Our love seems so cold now. I lost touch with you since the time off. I've lost the reach of you. You're too far. We're losing each other. School is not the thing. I understand the hectic schedule you have. I truly understand that. Yo have my support to your dreams. It just they way you do etc that make me feel isolated and drifting apart.

It sad me when you said that I'm demanding. As far as I can remember, I've never ask anything from you. I just want to get what I deserve. I just want to feel loved and special. This time, I need you to hear me, i need your to understand me as your girlfriend and as lady, I need your a little time and you to hold me make sure I'm all safe again with you. Is that asking too much? I seriously never ask anything for you. I've been healing myself all this while if you can remember. Whenever you know I'm sad or mad, all you did was asking me to calm down and find you when I'm cool. You left me find my own strength and do you know how hard it is for me when all I need was just you? You never once convince me that things will be okay. Maybe im asking too much from you when I really needed to be safe. I'm really slipping away in my own world. :'(

At times, I'm too hearbroken till I dont even know why I was mad at you. Too hurt to even remember the causes of it. We're now acting more like friends now. Strangers? We aren't like before. I'm sure you notice. We used to text/call each morning/afternoon/night. We cant go a day without each other but now we can even for for weeks without each other?! Ironic isnt it? Gahh! So sad! :'( Why Prettyboy? What have we becoming?

All I need is to feel appreciated and love. I need you to need me but you never want/need me just like how you have for others, seriously. Worthless feelings is really shitty and sucks big time! You always busy with other's attention and love. You get upset when they ignore your efforts but you will definitely go HAPPY when they start convo with you. You show them how much you afraid of losing them then . How much you miss and love them. Then me? You never said it once that you are afraid of losing me. I really wonder what's on your mind when you actually saw me crying at my worst hoping for you to save me. I really wonder if you actually care and if it really make you feel you really got to do something to us. I really want you to save me, no one else. Cause I really need you. Cause I really do loveyou.

I swear what sad me the most is when i have doubts to what you said to me. I wonder if it sincerely from you or you're just saying for the sake of it. Now I feel im been replaced by K. You keep mentioning him. You keep saying you still remember how he could actually cried for you. He afraid of losing you. He needs me etc. You should see how over the moon you are. So, all i could do is just to smile. I'm happy for you for sure that you are happy but it hurt me silently. Thinking if those days I cried for you actually you do feel like this too. But you didnt show me. But for K, you show to him. I bet he's the one you search for now. Since we no longer texting/calling each other rarely now. I hear and witness it my ownself. Like i said, we no longer like how we supposed to be towards each other.

And you make me feel worthless because I don't know if I'm wrong or otherwise.. but you will only come find me when you have no one with you .When you are bored and when you are left alone. Do you?

Oh well, people change. And I've changed to. Like you said I'm no longer the person you used to know. But the actually fact is that I'm still me. It just that I change to the person you want me to be. Since you even said that youcant change, so i change for you. You wanted me to tone down my insecurity, I do. It SURELY hard for me not to get insecure things that happens around me because it's women's nature to feel insecure but since you dislike it, I control my emotions By not to care and not bother those things that upset me. I keep telling myself dont burst or whatsoever. I fight myself. You wanted me to not get jealous easily. So I did. I ignore those things/convo you have with your friends that may seems to be abit over etc. You overwelme affection that you always have towards others. I keep telling myself they are just friends and you love me more than them. I try telling myself I still have you here with me. Yes, it's NEVER easy. I get jealous because you are mine and iloveyou. So when people starting to get your attention it sure bothers me alot. But yet again, I control myself and keep it.

Now, I've becoming what you want. All these things I tried to do for you and us. I tell myself to put myself in your shoe. But it making me more worse. I even feel useless as a girlfriend and worthless to myself. All these that you want me to be has actually making me immune to it. It's a norm thing now. I'm used to behaving like how I keep telling myself each day. Im starting to not care or bother. I starting to go with the flow. I starting to get worried when I'm not getting jealous to things that i used to. I get worried when I'm no longer feel myself. I starting to feel how doesnt love actually feels like. Prettyboy, this really scares the shit out of me. I'm am truly afraid. I afraid. I am afraid. Why you still didnt come and rescue me???? When it the prefect time??? When? I need you. I need you to hold me back once more. :'( please.

I miss you. I miss the old us. I miss everything about us. I keep playing how happy we used to be back then till it got me freaked that I cant seems to remember a thing now. What even saddest when I even miss you even when you are just right next to me. That's how far apart we both are. It's just painfully hurtful.

All this is not to make you feel useless or a bad boyfriend to me. You're really one in a million and still the best ever thing that I have in my life.

I'm still here waiting for your return. Waiting for your rescue but I really hope by then we still have the time to fix this mess up. I hope it's not too late cause waiting at times can tire a person so much.

Iloveyoudeeplymuch, Prettyboy,

:'(

2011-07-01T02:55:00.000+08:00

I'm happy that we are okay now.(:

But only thing I'm hoping for is for us to be how we used to.

Everything we used to be and the feelings. I still have the faith.

2011-06-20T03:04:00.000+08:00

Dear Blog,

It's been a week now since he requested for time-off. Yet to received any updates from him. Honestly, this waiting is killing me. I miss him much and been wondering if it kills him too just like me. :(

Now, i don't know what am I supposed to feel. For what I know for this whole week I've been feeling afraid. Afraid. Afraid. I afraid everything I feel is coming true. I afraid to wake up one day and not missing you anymore. I afraid I'm too hurt to care about us. I'm afraid of losing you. I'm afraid you wake up one day and realizing I'm not enough for you. I afraid you doesn't love me like those days back then when we first started. I afraid I won't be able to feel your warmth touch and hugs ever again. I afraid I stop missing and loving you like how I always do. I afraid of everything that is not supposed to happen, will happen.

Sincerely,
Me who is afraid of everything. :'/

2011-06-19T19:49:00.000+08:00

Dear Blog,

Me and Prettyboy is having our down moment again. Eversince my previous post. Yes after few days after the incidets, we realized we been have quarrels. I don't know what's becoming to us. Is it me or me or me? Hm. It's really confusing. And recently, last Sunday, not that really terrible as my last post but more to heart-to-heart sorting. Just talk from what's on our mind and purely from heart. For me but don't know for him though. To compare, this is much more intense this time round despite no shouting and pin-pointing. And, you have no idea how much the fears controlled me. How nervous and in state of losing courage i was.

The fear of losing you haunts me still. So, he requested for a week time-off to think. With heavy heart, i agreed. I have to put myself in his shoe. He's in dilemma and need space. I have to respect. I know anything can happen at this period of time. Love can change. The feeling may fade away but i keep my faith stronger each day hoping what I fear is just a dream. I believe in fate as well. I pray each night that things will get better for us. Each morning I wake up, I swear, it's you come rushing in my mind and I pray for the best for us.

My Prettyboy, if only you know whatever emotions you're having, it effecting me as well over here. I do feel you. I can feel the sadness and confusion you're having and you know, I hate seeing you like this. I wish I'm there beside comforting you but you're near yet so far.

I can't predict what's next for us. I can't foresee now. All I can do is just praying and be prepared for the worse. That's all I afford to do for. I wanted to text you. In fact, i don't know if I should at the first place since you need your space to think. I really don't know. I afraid I may influence your decision.

I really hoping the best for us.
If you're reading this, decide what makes you happy. That's all I'm asking.

2011-04-18T03:51:00.000+08:00

A beautiful full moon in the sky witnessed how boyfriend went insane. He extremely insane that I switched off and speechless. I turned afraid and dare not speak up especially when few friends were around us. I don't want them to see how bad we are. I didn't want them to know. I want us to settle within us only. It's never my kind to talk openly about what you had did. I've never go around talking about your bad side. Never. I tried few times but it just not me. I already feel bad when i have the intention to try on. I love you. And i believe, loving someone, you shouldn't talk about how bad your partner is towards you. Let me tell you boyfriend, whenever we quarrel, I've never answer them that we are when they ask me. I always say that we both are fine even when we are to the extreme state. I don't want them to think bad about you.

I tell you, I swear I wanted to smack your face for reacting this crazily! The craziest so far. Hitting yourself and shouting right at me. I swear to give you real tight slap. Instead, my hands reached out for you to calm you down.

Boyfriend, questions keeps coming to me. Maybe we love each other too much that we could have denying our fate. Are we ourselves are a mistake? Why we keep getting this over again? Are we pushing ourselves beyond our fate? Are we really meant to be? :'(

Not only you. I have the thoughts for our future as well. I wonder how it will be if this were to continue. I wonder if we will stay like this for another 2 years to come. Will it be worth? Talking about worth, I'm glad to say that you're still the best I ever had no matter how hurt I am. Even if we were to be separated, my 2 years with you are still something worthwhile and that will be the sweetest memories I ever had. I never regret for taking the decision to be with you, fighting for us and taking the risks to let you still be my another half after shits we had.

Come to think again, we lack of heart-to-heart talk. We busy with our lives. We have no time to talk about us. Don't you think so? Yes you talk about your school etc which I don't mind at all. I love listening to you complaining and updating me about stuffs. Just that, at times, i can't find the right moments to fit mine. I willing to keep the hurt I feel from you. I afraid I will annoyed you. I afraid to be a burden. I just want to be the best girlfriend to you. But looking at us now, I am not.

Why are we turning out to be like this? I spotted few issues that might be the causes. Is it because of our past? Hm. I've forgave the person long ago but I can't accept the fact that you did ditched me before. Amazingly I am still here assuring myself we can do better and we are meant to be. I just afraid you will do it again. That is when my insecurities will come along and take part. Paranoid whenever I sense you get too close with someone. Another issue is, especially, your affection towards others can be overwhelming. I'm jealous. Just like you, getting jealous when I'm out with my friends but put yourself in my shoe. I saw it with my own eyes how loving you are towards your Adiks, Abangs, Sisters, Friends etc. I'm not stopping your from befriends with anyone. I never want to kongkong your circle of friends but tell me how am I supposed to fight it when others putting more oils on me. I'm used to you being like this towards others. Yes, i do tell myself to take it as a friend but I can't. People keep asking me why I never feel jealous or whatever-shits-I-should-feel when you behaving like that? It make me feel such a pathetic girlfriend.

Boyfriend, I really do love you. I do. No matter big or small, hating people or keep the hatred to myself, ditch my time for family/friends, when back home late night just to be with you, getting insecure and when crazy over small issue, keeping my wishes to do things with you even when I have the time to do all those with friends, everything I do, everything, I do it just for you. Just to feel close to you.

But now I feel so heartbroken that I could not feel anything. Literally I don't know if I should feel mad, sad, depressed. I'd know I love you but it scares me when I can't feel you, my dear. Is going separate way the best for us? Since you need not to think about my insecurities. You can be friend freely with anyone and can start again from where you stop with your past-people. You get what I mean? You can do all the things you wanna do without thinking that you're attached to someone.

Lately, it hard for me to tears when think about us in this state. I feel the hurt but sometimes I can't be bothered about it. I don't care about us. Why boyfriend? Why I must feel that way? I'm very scared to have this feeling. Please tell me that our love is still alive. Please tell me all this while is something real because right now, I feel that all just a dream.

2011-04-07T01:47:00.002+08:00

Ages of leaving this place abandon.

I have my bestest boyfriend ever and friends to talk to. Just that at times they understand nothing or won't bother at all. I need space where no one will questions and judge me.

Unlike twitter, i do have friends whom complaint most my tweets are depressing. What you expect, right? It's Twiiter anyway. You let your thoughts out. Tumblr is more better and I loving it! Every post I have posted represent what I feel, what I can't say and what I want. It is really a good place because at times, I can't find my words to describe my mind, Tumblr is always there to help. It have also teaches me a lot of things. I've learnt a lot from there. A good place to search for advises as well.

But, reason being I relive my blog because I just need a place to let out my thoughts somewhere.
So I'll update as and when when needed.

Till then.

2010-05-22T22:09:00.006+08:00

GOT INTO FINALS FOR THE DANCE XPLOSION 5! DO COME AT CATCH MY GROUP 'DANZA' & NOT FORGETTING LANANG AYUNDA AT PLAZA SINGAPURA, 6-9PM THIS 4TH JUNE!

COME AND SUPPORT US!

LANANG AYUNDA ❤
(KAK BANI NOT IN THE PIC)

MY 'DANZA' ❤

2010-04-03T22:03:00.004+08:00

ANAK WAYANG IS A HISTORICAL PRODUCTION
with collaboration 4 groups, Sri Warisan, Sriwana, Sri Anggerik Bangsawan and Sri Mahligai.

Billions thank you to those who came and support us. Especially to my friends. I was really happy and missed you friends. Thanks for coming! Love you all!

Anyway, it was a meaningful and wonderful journey along the way. Knowing and meeting old and new friends. Touching moments which are way to priceless. Congrats to everyone who involved in this, we made it! It was real blast and true success! I miss everyone! ❤

2010-03-21T01:55:00.004+08:00

feeling lousy.

ANAK WAYANG

2010-03-17T14:15:00.014+08:00

Less than two weeks before the mega production in collaboration with
Sri Wana, Sri Angerrik and Sri Mahligai.

Anak Wayang Promo is out in Sunday Times and Berita at Suria. More promo will be out on air at Ria 89.7fm, Warna 94.2fm, Persada Seni Suria and Berita Harian.

Catch Anak Wayang @ Victoria Theater on 26th Mar, 8pm & 27th Mar, 3pm(matinee) & 8pm. More than 1200 tickets were sold. Grab yours $20 tickets now!

Click here for more details! :D
. . . . . . . .

‘Anak Wayang’ a dance theatre production, is a special tribute to all ‘Anak Seni’, who have contributed so much in the effort of promoting Arts in Singapore, through dance theatre and music. More than 120 performing artist will be performing Malay Arts Traditional theatre Bangsawan, Wayang Kulit, Malay Ethnic dance, Music Ensemble, Contemporary dance and many more!

Featuring Shahril Wahid…

A Dance Theatre production not to to be missed for year 2010!

2010-03-06T14:37:00.003+08:00

Been 3 weeks of stressing mode. So not fun. Very chaotic!

I swear i going all stress-ing over everthing. Shall not say about other things for now because my only worried is for my major exam this Monday and Tuesday.

Alhamdulilah my study mood is here like finally! Hope it’s not too late cause i have like 2 days straight to study. Wish me luck alright! I really need that badly. I’m just worried for my Audit so much. Have 11 units to cover. And i’ve covered first 3 units only? But what’s frustrated me the most is out of 11 units, only like 3 units will be out for the assay. -________________-

I’ll let my exam done first then i shall update about the other things like the ITalent Competition and so on and forth.

2010-02-21T23:53:00.002+08:00

One Word: Insecure.
:'(

2010-02-21T15:06:00.004+08:00

Things just have to happen at a wrong time. During exam fever. Tsk. I have my ITalent competition which i afraid i cant make it on time. Too much of studying and stressing for exam that i think, i not longer doing well in dancing now. This is just not me! I used to dance to express my feeling. But suddenly.. i can't? Feeling so f-lousy. Please be nice to me, time.

I already told to whom it may concern.. I won't bother and bugging for anything anymore. Enough of pleasing and begging and whatever it is. Had let everything out, leave it to them. Take it or leave it. Do whatever you want. Not going to bother anymore. Enough pressure to take for now. And iam sorry for being alittle too much harsh. I know myself that im not being myself. I know. But please bear with me. Me too.. I dislike me be this way but it wont take too long, till i am happy with things. Till everything is just the way it supposed to be.

It's okay,
I am strong. I've always am strong.

2010-02-20T22:45:00.003+08:00

I’m frustrated with myself for being such in a mess. I don’t know how im going to get any of this work to be done. I can’t get my mind focus on anything, especially important things i have to attend to.

I wish things would just settle down - wish i could just settle down and not all over the place. Please at least i want to be ease into the day. So much of insecure feeling lately. Wonder why. This sucks! At one time, my mind could easily twist; thinking people are just faking their love towards me. Doesn’t matter any love. They seems not to bother me anymore. It’s the oddest feeling to think - ”are you here because you need someone or you need me??” You know, it’s really hard to assume they do really care for me cause, at particular time.. they may seemed to be there cause they need me. But, on the other hand, i feel not needed and alone thou’ iam surrounds by others.

Just someone to listen to me. That would be good enough. Just a shoulder to cry on and a big warm hug, that would be just perfect. Instead of scolding and making me feel worse. I dont want that. Making me feel push aside. This time, love are not helping me to focus on study. Not helping when i need help. Not encouraging when iam down. I don’t know whats wrong. I never want to open this heart to let it bleed again.

Now, i wish Nenek were here. Stay awake till im done with my late-night revision. Here, cheering me up when im completely feels the world is turning their backs on me. Ready to listen to all my endlessly complaints about love, friends dance and all. Mostly, i miss her hugs totally. I missing her presence the most.

What’s freaked me out the most is, Iam sick worried for my final year exams! Two weeks time. And i yet to revise and take things seriously. What the hell am i thinking? Where have my study mood gone to? As you know, my days is filled with dance so, left with weekends for me. Tsk. Iam disappointed seeing myself panic but not doing anything about it. Very much disappointed.

Sigh! Anyway, i feel much better now. Bye.

2010-02-20T03:21:00.005+08:00

I HATE EVERYTHING.

Seriously, this is so f-stress! I just need some to talk to, or maybe someone to hear me. Listen to me. A shoulder to cry on and wipe my tears away. A hug to warm me up. I thot you can be that someone. But no. I cant find anyone at all. Not even one. This is so sad. At times, i just feel you dont even care a little. You're selfish too at times. Tsk. I've been doing too much of thinking. Too much for me this time! I seriously have TOO many things to look into. But for now, im going to put the rest aside. Need to prioritize few things first.. I'm not going to bother anymore. Maybe you better off without me. I always the main cause of all problems. I always put you in difficult state.. I have always make things worse and upset you. I keep making the same mistakes. I keep making you feel sick and tired. I am right, I dont deserve to be loved. I don't. Till you even lost hope on me, giving up on me. Hmm..

Feels that im not a good girlfriend to my boyfriend! Not a goodfriend to all my friends! Not a good leader to my team and esp, not a good person to myself! How bad is that? Extremely!
No worries..I wont put the blames on you. I never regret knowing and be with you at all. Trust me.

2010-02-17T01:11:00.002+08:00

Know what? I’m not okay. It always hits me at any random time. Tsk.

Anyway, went Hougang Mall in the afternoon, alone. Yea, sudden urge to go out. But was lil disappointed, because shops still close due to CNY holidays. Wanted to buy some stuff.. and! no waffle for me till now yet. Sigh. Been days i craving for it. :’( No one is kind enough to buy for me either.

And what i worried most is for myself. Final exams coming in two weeks but ‘where is my study mood’?? Can you please come as soon as possible? Will be much happier if you can come like, NOW?!!

I still have few chapters to cover for Auditing and in need MORE revisions for Accounting.

I’m dead ~

2010-02-15T12:54:00.003+08:00

Hope you love the gift because i really want you to have it.
Just a short summary. We not celebrating Valentine's Day because i don't celebrate it and we are not supposed to at first. It just that 14th Feb marked our 1 year of knowing each other ;) LY!

A sweet plan along the beach in the morning. Sky Ride and Luge, got stuck at the top for 4 times!? LOL! Then proceed to meet Haikal and Suffie before proceed to Henderson Wave. I missed the sunset as i was busy snoring at the corner. Wahliao! HAHA!

Everything went fine but not towards the end. Full of anger and tears. Hm, well thanks to him and i hope you're happy now. Your plan to maybe ruined my day was a successful one.

The best way is off to sleep and run away from people to get rid of this feeling. And yes, it worked when i woke up this morning.

2010-02-15T11:17:00.000+08:00

Whole day at the Sentosa with friends.

Had fun together. Went to explore The Universal Studio area. Not fully open but i can imagine how beautiful and FUN the place gonna be! The place is amazing!

Slacked for awhile enjoy the sunset. Ohhh.. i forever love this moment! Then off to SOngs of the Sea!! Awesomely wonderful lighting! Seriously serious.. i don’t really get the whole story of the play because i was too engrossed and enjoying myself with the beautiful lights and everything! HAHA!

Thou i did enjoyed my day with them.. but still, there this few particular moments it just don’t feel right somewhere.

2010-02-11T00:06:00.001+08:00

*heart melting*

GRRRR GERAMSSSSS AKU! COMEL SANGAT LA KAU NIE!

2010-02-11T00:01:00.001+08:00

I keep wondering wheater they are here because they need someone, or because they need me? I keep asking myself this. This is what i’ve always feel.

2010-02-09T00:58:00.007+08:00

Lanang Ayunda participated in ITE ITalent. Audition on last Saturday was not really to what we expected. Erm, to me, the excitement and confident level went down too drastic. But surprisingly we managed to get thru semi-final! Alhamdulilah. We never put any high hopes for this. Win or lose is part of competition you see. But for as long we enjoy ourselves, nothing else matter :)

Side story, had some misunderstanding between us all. Okay.. this was sucks big time! Didn't expect that things would be this way, and you know me, i never do all this on purpose and what’s more to be selfish. That just not me! I love you guys and sincerely, i want us to win as whole.. not as individual. It’s good that i cried all out after the audition. Just can’t stand it anymore.. adding to my other stressing matters.. crying is always the best way for me to feel better. So, all over. We always resolved it in a good way, and im proud of us! :D I will never mad at you for mad at me. I don’t take it to heart. Bestfriendsss ~

Forget about that. I believe what has happened makes us closer as one. Now, we have some serious matter to do. Getting to the next round is so exciting! Let’s us work towards our goal, as a team alright! I still love you all so so much :D

No proper pictures on the audition day due to the 'tense moment' among us.

And so excited for photo shoot tomorrow evening!!!!!

2010-02-05T23:04:00.005+08:00

Just because my eyes don't tear, doesn't mean my heart doesn't cry and just because i comes off strong doesn't mean there's nothing wrong.

Things don't seems to go and feel right these days.
Leave me alone.
:'(

2010-02-05T01:05:00.001+08:00

JUSTIN BIEBER! ♥

2010-02-02T01:10:00.008+08:00

This boy over here was super cute today! Especially with his ‘the hand thingy’.. i find that the most cutest thing ever about him. Gerammss aku! :) You made my day, at least, after the two days of erm so called ‘not-talking’ moment? My apologies for making you worried and mad. (the reasons given by you hehes).
No matter how bad our days can be, you always make me smile, eventually. lovelove!

Thanks to Raif's manager for the treat! :D

2010-01-31T23:29:00.005+08:00

wonder if they or even you can tolerate my nonsense cause not everyone can.

This really freaked me out. Unsure what got into me lately.. I feel so pathetic with people dearly to me seems to change and drifting away from me. Maybe this is not true, but this is what i feel and what i see.

A week without hp. As you know, it's hard for me to live without hp. Way too hard and people been complaining on how hard for them to keep in touch with me. Sorry about that. Meanwhile, I get to experience on how people who really make their effort in trying their all best to find me. See if they willing to go far finding me. But always, the least people you expect turns to be the people who actually manage go beyond the people you expected to search you. Tsk.

To you, I'm sorry for being nonsensical girl all this while. Sorry if i always troubled you. I’m sorry for always ended up hurting you in all way.

Hm i really don’t know how to put this, the exact feeling i feel & bothering me but seriously, i don't know how. Maybe it’s not the time yet. Not now.

2010-01-30T22:48:00.003+08:00

Beach Fiesta.

I went together with friends from Guitar Club because my dearly bestfriends didn’t tag along & very much hard to contact with Syirah too. We were there not to be part of the carnival actually.. but to support out Show Choir and Dancers but we reached late & missed Choir’s show. For the dancers, that was smexy-dance! Anyway, the worst part of the day was that I can hardly find any shades that i could hide from the scorching sun, major killer!

Settled down and the boys off to the sea. Awhile later, came friends from Percussion.. Most of them had fun in the sea while i sat and watched them from our port. If not, i’ll be walking around taking pictures. Okay, i love my camera alot! LOL! They really enjoyed themselves. Extremely kecoh! Don’t know where the rest went to, so, Me Sufie Irfan and Haikal walked around the carnival.. then played only one game out of more than 10 games there because it can’t stand the hotness and to wait for our turn. PANASSSSS!

Then felt much tired and adding to my haywire, i asked them to go change and off to somewhere more chilling. Irfan planned to go Resort World but canceled bcos im too tired again hehe. Been craving cheeseburger since morning but since majority wanted Banquet for dinner, so im fine with it.

At the end of the day, im too exhausted. Thank you Nasy and Azie for willingly entertained me taking pictures. Irfan for the treat, trying best to fulfill whatever i want and for taking good care of me, including the rest too.. nice of you people :) Thanks for tolerating my nonsense especially, since morning till i off. Also for concerned about me during i was staring into empty space. :D

After dinner, i don’t feel good.. off back home and the rest went to slack at Vivo. Before heading home, went Mac to have my cheese burger. LOL!

2010-01-30T01:08:00.007+08:00

Currently going crazy over this cute boy over here!Why oh.. why.. you're such an eye-candy boy!! I loves your songs, voice and especially your too-much-adorable look ;D You make my heart meltttsssss! What are you made from? Ahahs, cuteness you! Nak gigit2 jer, boleh Justin?

2010-01-27T23:46:00.002+08:00

CRANKY ME!

I'm tired, greatly.
Tired with almost everything. Tsk ://
Bye.

2010-01-24T23:26:00.012+08:00

No pictures taken with the birthday girl. She busy swimming and havin' fun with her cousins and friends. HAPPY 12th BIRTHDAY HIDAYAH!!

Anyway, i was alittle awkward&shy at first hehehs.. but thanks to Leana's family for treating me as part of them. Such an easy going and happening families. Her aunties and uncles is crazyyy! Especially that uncle. I don't his name but he sure have Pak Bon's personality, one of M'sia famous comedy actor. The way he speaks amused me even when he's in serious tone. Ahahs! Btw, thanks for the ride uncle!
Sorry eh, kite nie bodoh bnyk part selok belok road ni hehes!

So sorry Leana for not overnight with you today. Feel bad but see you tomorrow in school babe! And BIG thank you to you for feeding me with alot of foods since i reached there, hmph!! Fried prawns, a slide of cake for two different cake, marshmallow, sandwich, nasi, ferrero, especially ayam panggang.. paling bnyk! I'm bloated now. Oh ohhhh.. and thankyou very nice for the special brownies!

2010-01-24T14:21:00.009+08:00

Firstly, Happy 19th Birthday to Quraishah!

Shall keep it short and sweet here. Somehow i not in a good mood to type lengthy for today. But i bet yesterday outing with the them was sure an awesome one. Celebrated Q's birthday and we tried to make it as nice and memorable as possible. But sorry, no birthday cake from us. But hope you do love the outing and not forgetting the presents too!

Two thing i like about yesterday was when we went into the icebox thingy. (okay i don't what it called). It's at the National Geographic located at Vivo. Damn cool thing.. and i actually freezing inside. The temperature was like minus 12 degree celsius? Shall try it again next time! Feeling2 kat Paris la aku apa lagi hehe! And another was Henderson Wave. First time there and what's more, by the time we reached, it was sunset. Forever beautiful! I love sunset! Maybe we should come abit early to catch it from the beginning.

But towards the end, i went haywire.
'it just don't feel right'

Will be going out later.. to Liana's sister birthday party at Pasir Ris. Not sure if i'll be overnight there.. will see how it goes. Maybe head to Bugis first to have a walk alone before proceed to the chalet. Update again soon. Have a nice day everyone!

2010-01-23T00:29:00.007+08:00

Now i don't know if i should feel happy or otherwise.

Will be going Henderson wave tomorrow celebrating Q's birthday. I've been wanting to go there, just that, i don't know when. Once planned with Leana but we cancelled it. So, if tomorrow we're going, meaning, one of my wish will be fulfilled.

BUT! I am damn bloody sad now. I just want to cry OUT LOUD! My handphone is officially gone case! It started with the speaker two weeks ago (can't hear anything.. need to on loud speaker to talk). And then few days ago, was those idiotic keypads. And now, few minutes ago.. i completely cannot on it?! What the ****!! Same case with Shana and Radhiah. This hp is totally nonsense ever! :'((((((((((((((((((((((((((

Okay no mood for anything.
TSK!

2010-01-21T13:28:00.007+08:00

Time check : 1.30pm. It's Thursday.. and at this time.. usually i'll be hanging around in school but be surprised, im at home right now. HAHA BONUS!!

So, shall update about yesterday and upload picturessss at facebook :D So yesterday, i felt like it was Saturday. Serious serious! Right after class, had my lunch (a slice of toast bread, oreo and seaweeds) and then at 2pm my class (not everyone was there.. ard 12 people) went to Urban Redevelopment Authority. Located somewhere at Tanjung Pagar. Oh well, we don't really care for whatever things they have there. I mean, we did take a look and see how it was built and so and and forth. But, mostly.. all we did was having fun! Picturesss and laughters! I love my mates alot at that moment. You know, sometimes we treat each other as strangers. Sometimes, on of those days.. we can only simply smile and not one word out to say hello. Completely like a stranger. Weird right? No matter how ignorant & hate i feel about them.. i love them still. No answer to why hehes!

Then.. off to Orchard. The rest went to their own direction. Me and Liana headed to Orchard. I think i gone mad. I thot of saving money for more other important stuff but i nearly spent like 50bucks. HAHA! Lucky i came to my sense. Just alil shopping for me. Been ages i last went out with this shopping partner of mine, Liana!

Met with Farhan! Like finally eh dapat jumpe ni mamat! Okay i like him! WAIT! I like him as in his character. So sardine-dalam-tin like me! He can really entertain my nonsense. If he shoot me, i will definitely shoot him 10 times more.. so, i win! HAHA! Despite that, he also good in giving advices in everything. Like love, fashion life etc. Biasa la orang mature mah.. Opss ;D Thou just met him, i afraid i might annoys him.. coz sometimes my nonsense are too heavy to carry. Hehs! Hey, maybe we can go out again? Shopping? Boleh la mintak pendapat Han lagi mcm semalam. One funniest guy ah you! And Liana.. iam happy for you. Still, please don't forget what i've always remind you over and over again. Jatuh lau ade cushion tkpe jugak. Sedap sikit hehe! Sayang kau!

Then in the evening.. off to Esplanade! Weee.. watched performance from our Show Choir. And i shall say, it was a blast from the previous one. They said because he 'melted' me?? -_-'' CHET! But you ah boy, da la hot pastu cheeky pulak tu!! Eeeee... geramsssss aku! HAHA! [Ok, u looked great.. suke saya ;)] Show Choir did awesomely wonderful! And I was abit moved with I'll be there.
You deserve a nice long break, i guess? HEHE!

N I C E !

2010-01-17T23:09:00.006+08:00

It's a wonderful Sunday.
I rarely at home to be with my family.. and i got this feeling that i've upset Mummy, make her merajuk and all :( Tsk, iam sorry i love you alot! So, since Sunday = Family Day.. i decided to stay at home and interact more with them. Hehes! And what's more iam in a perfectly good mood liao! I seldom entertain brother okay. But today, i did! I'd helped him with his final year project. As you can see in the pictures above. Do the track then the thing (i don't know what it call) from mouse trap into to a car. HAHA! Then we played UNO Sacko! I won by 3-2. I should have bet him with something like ice cream. Hmph!

Then, went woodlands with Mak in the evening. Just the two of us since Adik somehow busy with her friends for their school project. Hm baru start skola da de project. Pelik eh!? Nevermind her. Furthermore, it's been long time since i had chatting session with her anyway.. so it's good Adik wasn't with us. Prefect! Ahas! Update her about what am i doing now.. about my tight dance training for Warisan and italent competition.. and so on and forth. So at least, she know what her daughter is up to for now. Mak, nana sayannnggg mak sngt2!

So far, everything is going well. School as always getting more hectic with assignments.. tests.. with dance training etc. No complains for dance side because i don't mind about the hectic-ness ;) But for study wise, iam little worried. Wrong! I mean alot alot worried! I get panic when i feel i way back from others and especially when i see the rest can do.. and i still can't EVEN start on it. Oh heaven.. please me.. push me in this! I keep asking Leana to push me but often, both of us will end up talking/sleeping/day dreaming HAHAH!

One way: separate the both of us? No way!

I seriously need someone or two in my studies. By giving me encouragement, support and push me all out. How????

2010-01-16T01:57:00.004+08:00

And again, the cutest and romantic couple! In love with them! HAHAA! Have things to share over here, letting out what's on my mind now but perhaps, i shall keep it to myself or save it for next time maybe? Yea.. busy i guess hehe! Pardon me. Night!

2010-01-10T14:47:00.009+08:00

Aren't this two are one of the sweetest couple? And i love looking at them together. Compatible and perfect! Am i right? Heh! Efron good looking and Vanessa damn-bloody-gorgeous! Look! How sweet and romatic Efron can be. Aw, sweet boify and sweet moment :) Love Vanessa. Ever wished to be as pretty as her.. Opss! The way she is, simply adorable bubbly & beautiful. Envy with her hair! HAHA! Oh my! Iam so obsessed with her!

2010-01-09T22:33:00.004+08:00

Your Love is Based on Friendship

"For you, chemistry doesn't really happen without compatibility. Companionship and openness are the most important parts of your relationships. Whoever you love should be your best friend. And falling in love with a good friend is never out of the question. Why your love can last: You only fall for people who you truly understand... and who truly understand you. Why your love can fail: Sometimes you don't admit how important physical chemistry is to you."

2010-01-09T00:06:00.010+08:00

5th Jan ; CCA fair Jan Intake 2010.

I was unsure where the hell my confident and the excitement to dance gone to. Like serious shit! I swear i'd wished i could just skip our part and move on with other performances. I don't know what was very wrong with me. I was so stressed up. Came early morning just to practice and hoping my confident will come till we're done with our performance. But, sadly no. Due to this, i felt extremely ugly messy. Thus, not much pictures taken, esp my face! F-ugly i look! But received few comments, good ones. So i guess everything was okay laa at least and i also think actually i didn't cock up after all. Phew! Then some more kena interviewed. I just hate talking in front of the crowd. Paisey lerr! But just got to know from Harun, he was screaming my name at that time. I was surprised actually when he told me that. So unexpected but thankyou! And he compliment for my dance :) Ahahas!

After which, when to help out my girls at the booth. The numbers of people signed up was okay. But will see how that numbers will stay hehes. Then we had another slot to perform at the indoor sport hall. By right, one item from each cca. But by left, Malay Dance did for 4 times? Betul nye enjoy eh kiteorang HAHA! People might see us making fool of ourselves. To me.. we're not. We enjoyed it so much!

2010-01-03T17:47:00.005+08:00

Finished reading this novel. Oh my, i want to read more of it! The ending is kind of shocked me to death but, maybe that's the only way for her own happiness. It gott me thinking that best friend can be your true love without you realising it.

You never know who's your true love is evntho you're married to the person whom you thot the person of your life. The fact is, there's always someone out there who truly care & love for you beyond everything. Heart is something that hard to tell no matter how long you take and how deep your try to understand. Another fact, you just can never discover the real of it. There's never ending. How i wish to have my love life like fairytales too. I wish..

I love this novel!
Thank you so much, Fliq!

2010-01-02T01:25:00.008+08:00

Look at my End Of Year speech. Haha, so lengthy! I shouldn't have write everything and let the whole world know. But felt better. It came straight from my heart. That's only not even half of it. The rest i shall keep it somewhere. Private.

End-ed my 2009 by accompanied Kassim, shopped for his shopping list and all covered. Then celebrated new year over at Sani's house but without Sani. Haha! Just that, i didn't get to watch fireworks like last year. Sadly, but it's okay! Indoor more relax and chill. We had Turkey and large Pizza! Yummy!! One craving down :) So, first day of 2010. A good start by spending time with family today. But, not so-good because my 'bestest friend' has come. Sibuk jer nak sambut new year jugak HAHA! Let's called it a rest day for me and also, i've inform Mak i'll be at home today. So, she must be happy that i fulfilled my promise :) Maybe i should put 'spending more time this year with family' as one of my new resolution? LOL. Eh wait, maybe i should you know because Mummy been nagging at me. She hardly see me staying at home even a day. Hm. Shall do something about this. Anymore resolutions? Yes, keep it simple. As usual, more love, happiness and do the last best i can in everything i'm doing. Hope everything go smoothly and blissful one. Do proud for my parents and be a better person/daughter/friend :D Lastly, strength to keep me strong.

~~Anyway, I don't know if there's GP for me tomorrow. I checked last week, and there's one in the evening at the hotel. But Kak Huda have yet to message. Shall text her in the morning.~~

Night.

2010-01-02T01:03:00.003+08:00

Goodbye 2009.

Awesome-ly had a wonderful year of 2009. I thank Allah for giving me the chance for my heart to beat. There's nothing as great as living this world with full of maze and love.

For life wise. Life is very interesting.. in the end, some of your greatest pains becomes your greatest strengths. At times it keeps me wondering why people been stressin' so much, worryin for the wrongs. Like, not righting the wrongs and keep saying nightmares for the rest of their live. Yes, i do get mad over my past but i've been tryin to put it in positive way. As much as i try. Why not us take it as a lesson to learn. Instead of dwelling over it, be happy! Smile because it happened. Hey, your mistakes and past teaches you to be a wiser person. Through this, you get to see the true side of the person, who worth your trust and learn your inner-self. Too much thinking for past and future, we often side track, forgetting our NOW too. Apparently, regretting later is no point. You know all sort of things you should be doing, grabbing and treasure now but you're too busy in your own world and too concentrate speeding up for the future. I think, it's more than enough for us to at least, learn cherish what you have now because if you don't.. you will never appreciate your future. Remember you live once, not twice. You won't know how old your age can go. Treasure every moments, your life. After all, it's up to individual. To me, life may be sad but it's always beautiful. Don't you think so?

Love. The truth is everyone gonna hurt you, but you just gotta find the one's worth suffering for. Everyone needs love and i love to be loved and in love. But im kind of girl who have difficulty saying 'i love you'. And if i do, means i really mean it. And it's been a long time since i say these words to someone special. 5 years of single hood teaches me zillions along the way. To be an independent person for sure. And another thing, trust. Don't ever try to abuse my trust, for even once. You'll have hell-time regaining it. But aside that, love often got me confused and complicated in a way too. The more the person convinced me he loves me, the more i get confused. Not with him but with myself. Actually, i've long to feel the love again but i just can't bear to let the heart to be hurt again. I afraid i won't be able to go through another pain. I ought to thank my last for all. Maybe part of loving is to let go. Nevertheless, I'm proud of myself to made it this far. The hatred and 2 years of healing this heart is sweet. No worries, all will be keep inside. You know sometimes somethings are just hard to forget. I still remember that dream of yours. You're very passionate on it since then. I salute you! You're on the path now and doing it well. I'm happy for you. Well wishes, my friend! For now, iam happy with the love i get thou i tend to get confused with myself every now and then. You know, i'm not that easy one. And that 5 years.. i becoming hardhearted girl, i guess. But gives me time. I'm sure we will get through together. I do need more of your faith and patience for me. Sorry to give you hard times but i won't blame you if things still doesn't go the way we wanted. If we are meant to be, we will. With Allah will. :)

Friendship wise. Not knowing so much things happened. Friendship issues along the way. Nothing stay pretty you see. Ups and downs. And iam upset that i might unable to patch one of the friendship i've lost. Well, i hate when this have to be the ending. So much trying to prevent but maybe this the better way for him. But he did say hi to me in msn recently. Moving on. Frankly, iam receiving oh-so-much-good love from friends. Despite some might be such a hardheaded and egoist kind.. too hard for me to ditch them away. You know, i've been spending most of my time with them.. And just so they know, you mean the world to me than anything else. No matter how much they hurt me, these time we had, somehow, heal all the bitter moments away. Again they know, i really really really love you all. I swear for this. I really do! :) Importantly, my family. noway i can hate them in any way no mater how hard things can be. They are my heart, soul and life.
I ♥ them to the bits!!

In the end, we're all the same. 2009 taught me to be stronger. Learn to appreciate everyone. Let's put our bitter moments behind. Start counting our blessing. It's much more healthy :) Don't forget thank-ing those whom have help us during our pit falls, for sincerely be with us along the journey. Above all, we must never forget & thanks Allah for everything.

Spread more love love love around in 2010!
Allah blessed everyone :D

Melaka

2009-12-29T22:16:00.018+08:00

I'm back! Haha, got miss me or not? I know la no of course tsk. LOL!

Get back to my 'finally balik kampung' trip. Haaaha! Oh well, i had so much awesomely fun over there. It feel so good to be at a place which is much more calm and peace. Far away from busy cities. The kampung morning atmosphere is always the best. Can cure people who often having headache or stress surely HAHA! But seriously, i feel so fresh-ing ;D But only not when it's between 12pm-5pm. Wahliaooo.. so fcukinly hot! Even Singapore's weather is better, at least by abit.

It feels good to be back kampung. It feels like home. Having breakfast and dinner together as family at home. For lunch, we will be having our lunch outside for sure. One table, sharing all those memories we had.. laughing at how silly we were last time. Wah liao! Embarrassing siaa. But i love it this way. So bonding! :D

Main purposed was to attend my cousin's wedding on Sunday but have to attend another wedding on Saturday too. Tsk.. i only brought one kurung so reused back. Shhhhh! I don't know which side of my cousins there are from because i have too many relatives there. Really Sume kait-mengait gitu. At times, i just heck care to do research about the family root, too complicated. Aside that. Friends been asking how was my shopping? Erm sadly, nothing much interesting. Did shopped but i bought almost nothing. Okay la nampak sah bedek aku. But seriously i did bought few things but i don't call that shopping at all. I don't know how to explain it further. Understand Understood only ah :)

Pardon me for above picture. I know BURUKSSSSS! Anyway.. we went to 'Gadek Hot Spring'. Da macam sauna la sehh. Panasssssss! Hanya Tuhan yang tahu betapa terbakar badan aku nie! And the hotness went up to my brain. For a moment, i was stunted. The surface temperature is 56 Degree Celsius. Mind you that! But i was one bloody happy kid when i got to force my entire body into the hottaaaaa water for few minutes. Did it for 4 times. No wonder i had a good massive headpain soon after.
Aiseyman, fear factor!

So cousins, no need to miss me so much now okay? I still remember them saying, "Akhirnya.." when they saw me Hahaaa! And i really don't know when will i be going back kampung unless one of my cousin getting married. Oh yes! Kahwin la cepat2, tu ahh Abang Azmi tu, da tua dahhh.. bile mau kahwin ah? Da lame ni hah menanti nak makan nasi minyak Abang. Haiyaaa.. nk mengurat nenek mane je tau sampai susah sangat nk dpt. Mesti case nenek jambu! ;DD

By the way, look at the girl in red kurung (below). Actually nothing big laa but just want to share something. Her family used to sleep over at my place if they coming to Singapore. So i still remember her always LOVE to 'kebas' my things, like make up & shades. And if she don't get it, she will wailed. If one or two i dont mind. But it seemed like eveything she want? And Mum will say, "Tkper la kasi dia. Nanti mak belikan baru". Mane boleh jadi ni! Therefore, whenever she's coming Singapore (back then la), i will hide all my things somewhere safer. Hahahaaaa! That's when she was like 9 years old & i was 12? Now she all grown up. Even bigger than me, in terms of size. *peace*

Not forgetting, my dear Shameer over here. Mak aik, degil nauzubillah jugak anak nie! I can gurantee that his Mummy will be shocked to see how many 'presents' he brought back from Melacca. Too many toysssss! Fan of Ben10 this boy huh!? Whatever he see, he die die want. If didn't get.. Wah Pianggg! But hey, i like him around. Baby-sit him was fun! :)
Aunty Nana loves you Shameer Altaf!

Be a good boy hor. Don't be naughty. And, i can predict you're gonna be one good hot looking man when you grown up. Macam hero hindustan! Fulamaaakkkkk!

2009-12-24T10:22:00.001+08:00

I'll be away for 5 days or a week..
Don't know why but i've been missing people badly lately..
So, do miss me as much (or more) than i do, can? Hahaaa!

Goodbyesssss. Take care lovely and have good days too!!
You know i love you so many much ;D xoxo.

Goodbyes for 5 days!

2009-12-23T12:58:00.002+08:00

Finally, short getaway for me. Whoooaa!

Balik kampong!
It's like almost 3 years i last went back to my uncle's place. Initially i was half-hearted but i think i should go for this trip. Since i've always busy with school and not sure when my free time will comeby again. And somewhat, cousins over there been sms-ing me occasionally asking when the hell i will be back. Haha!
Aww.. they missed me! :)

They should be happy and welcome me with red carpet this thursday. LOL. Btw Aiman called me for the first time? After 2 years? HAHAHAAA! And he will be at the wedding too. Greaatttt! Isn't it funny? The place where we first met & will be meeting at a place like wedding event, yet again. Hurhurr!!

Not forgetting.. I've been given a task. To take care of my adorable sunshine, Shameer :D Trust me, he's one of the cutest kids i adore most!!! His mum asked me to look after him, she meant, really take care of him.. You know like applying insect repellent.. entertain him, look after his harta karun (psp beb! tknk kalah) and basically everything. Wahliaoo.. mak dia bukan nk ikut skali tau hmph! Never mind.. at least i have someone to play around with, beside my sister, since my other cousins here not going back. Mendak per!

Lastly, this is the first time going without Nenek :( Actually i've been missing her lately. And again, almost tears just now whenever i talk about her to anyone. I missed sleeping on her lap during the journey to kampong. Missed the way she caressed my hair and touched my face while im sleeping. Especially her presence.

Nenek, i miss you so much. You know i do.
Al-fatheha.

2009-12-22T09:23:00.000+08:00

"... oh cute"

2009-12-21T00:29:00.002+08:00

"the greatest weakness of most humans is their hesitancy to tell others how much they love them while they’re alive."

2009-12-20T23:37:00.007+08:00

"Perfectly perfect.

What a perfectly perfect days i had this week. Except that i didnt get to spend even a day with my family. And mum was actually alittle upset and naggy about it. Fret not okay mak.. i'll have like 5days to a week with you next week at Malaysia!! So not perfectly perfect but almost close to that. Just perfect days. And im all contented!!

Had a wedding show at Taman Warisan. Was pretty warm and then raining cats & dogs. Luckily did kompang & silat only.. phew! Then last min plan, off to vivo.. Slacked for awhile and had ice cream on the ship. Waahhhhh thanksss!!! :D Asked Saiful to guess my age. He answered ''erm..16? 15? 13? and 17?" HAHAA! You got me burst into laughter. 13 years old!?? The youngest age ever people called me! Whooa! He was awfully shocked when i said im 19!! HAHAHHAHAAA!

Btw, i just had 2 packets of maggie goreng. Too lazy so, asked my sis to help me. Hehee thankyouu! But iam still hung-ger-ryyyy! I also craving for fried kuay teow, ice cream and long john! Wahliaooo! Eat eat eat only.. haha! But i think i lost tons of weight?? Just like what girlfriends said. Erm.. cause the jeans i always wear seems to be loose nw. Usually i used with or without belt.. but now, if i dont.. it will drop. Whatever it is, i'd believed i've gained weight. *peace*

So..everything is fine. I'm just grateful for this. Nevertheless, doesn't mean i will stay happy for long. Well..you know life is full of ups and downs. So should not be too very high cause i might end up crying too. But if possible, i wish things to be this good for as long as possible.

Oh come' on.. it's coming to the end of the year.
I want to have a good ending of 2009. Be good alright :)

Nighty loves!

Thankyou khai for the two lovely lovely Pooh :)
Now my Big Pooh have a Mini Pooh. New friends~
Loveyou Khai!!

2009-12-18T23:08:00.004+08:00

I'm frustrated enough with my digi's memory card, laptop and whatever that disable me to transfer those pictures taken days ago to my lappy. Since yesterday i keep sigh-ing, i mean, BIG sighs. It annoys me alots, seriously! Hm i think something is not right with my lappy after my bro re-format my lappy? Hm could be? Tsk.

Oh well, no pictures (unless taken thru my hp or random pictures taken frm the net) for the meantime till i get this shit fixed. Booohoo!! :'( And don't tell me i have to format my memory card, and and and all pictures will be gone? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

2009-12-17T21:47:00.014+08:00

Girlfriends! <3

Minus Ernie today.. and im missing her company with us. Not a whole day outing.. just a short meet up to get rid of each other's misses. Girlfriends said i lost tons of weight. I look much much much skinnier than the last they saw me. Kuruusss kau! Oh, but why i feel iam growing fat eh? Beside that, im getting dark due to the 2days at Sentosa. Tsk! Hahaa!

Watched Planet 51. Had good time laughing in the cinema, munching sweet popcorns :) Erm.. 3 months of not seeing each other??? That's bad.. and due to that, we had alittle misunderstanding. Nevertheless, I believed it was because we missed each other too much, right? Nah, how can i forget you lovely girls. No worries babes! And from the way we talked, updating latest news and stories really show how much we really really missed each other, like seriously. Too many things to squeeze and im sure there's still more to say.
But time always envy us whenever we having fun time together.

I want to go see those houses at Sentosa. I've been wanting to see those beautiful scenery since last Monday. Next outing on 28th so Ernie make urself free can? Drive us there again. But... im not sure if i'm back from my short getaway on that day :(

2009-12-17T19:16:00.010+08:00

Yet another day at Sentosa.. but this time with my Lanang Ayunda.

It's was supposed to be Lanang Ayunda's outing but it's a waste that the juniors can't make it. Well, it was meant to be for us all but in the end only the 'bestfriends' outing.

Woke up at 7 in the morning. I've prepared everything earlier so i went online after washed up. Thought it will only took me awhile to surf the net but, i overshot abit. Still, i was the first to reach followed by Khai and the rest. Hahaa! We brought foods from home but it won't be complete without snacks.So, proceeded to Giant.

At Sentosa.
The weather playing pee-kaa-boo with us. It was raining cats and dogs for three times. So, we kept going in and out from the sea. Yana was the most eager amongst us. She love swimming i guess :) Complaining when the red flag will be off from the sand so that she can get back to swim. Haahaa! Played few games like Alipoom. Extremely hilarious! By 3pm we planned to wash up. And at exactly 3, it rained heavily. Damn heavy rain.

The rain has stopped and as plan, went for Luge and Skyride. Yeaaa! I've rode once before. Still felt terrified when it's getting higher. Gerunnnnn! At least better.. im not that afraid of height but please not depth xD Everyone had vastly great time together. Yes we do! I truly love you all. And yes i do!!

It's about the quality time we spent, not the quantity :D

2009-12-14T23:28:00.012+08:00

I had a oh-so-good Challenging Monday.

The Survivor Challenge was really the most best camp i ever attend. It's not really like a 2D1N camp.. It was just a one day event at the FOCUS Challenge Camp, Sentosa, but full with bonding activities/games (there was 4 in total). Combination with 4 other CCAs group.. Malay Dance (Lanang Warriors), Dancers (Fresh Elements), Soul Percussion (Samba Petir) & Guitar Club (Rock Star). I have to thank to all the activities we had. For that, we know each other more.. esp about myself. You know, about what i actually enjoy doing, what is my fear & my strong side.. Then most of the games really challenge our patience level.. it was tough one. It also fun to know about other's weaknesses & they know about mine too HAHA!

Iam proud with my Lanang Warriors cause among the other groups we always the winner at the end of each game. Hurray! 'Jangan pandang kite budak tarian lembut aje, kiteorg pun boleh jadi lebih gagah dari korang tau, hmph!' After our team, it was Fresh Elements. We so called competing with them actually hehs! It was always either us or them leading.. but whatever it is, good jobs to all of us! :) No ones a winner, everyone is the same.

Here came the most exciting activity, Rafting!! For this we required to create our own. Quite stressful la.. still, thanks to the rest of the boys for helping us. Hm well, im excited but at most moment i felt afraid. Afraid of depth. Yes, one of my fear that i have to overcome. Fortunately, the tide was low. Phew~ but i still kept reminding Khai to save me first no matter what Haha! Again, Lanang Warriors came first. Yeahhhh :)

There so much for me to say.

For the instructors over there..We were the best team in 2009! Aww.. It was such a perfect day for me. I felt super good and i even wished it will not end that so soon. Lastly, after watching our embarrassing video of what we did the whole day.. i found out that we are actually a totally cute kids! I swear.I swear.

My mood was awesome-ly tip top. And I like it that way :D

Twilight Saga - New Moon

2009-12-13T21:51:00.012+08:00

Saturday was much sweet awesome! It feels so good to meet up with old friends after for so long not seeing each other. Well, the boys had so called reunion. They seemed happy together recalling their bittersweet memories. At most time i just find these boys was just freaking too cute. Hahaaa! I'd kept smiling looking at them laughing and having fun together :) Not jealous, but at certain moments while with them.. i miss my girlfriends.. I really do. Hm.. Had issue with them recently but everything okay now. No one's faults. Just that everyone got their things to do. Busy.
Girls, let's meet up soon can? I suddenly miss you girls badly :(

3 months of waiting for the release and another 1 week.. finally, watched New Moon! Yessa! Haha, the boys was kinda bored with the movie but not for me & the girls :) I love the movie so much! Jacob is too way f-hotaaaa!! For Twilight series ,Edward for his romantic kind but for Saga series, Jacob for his wow-hot-hot boddyyyyy!! *drooling* and also the way he look into Belle eyes.. BANG! Goodness, i was melting while watching him.  Hais, how i wish i was the one he's looking at ^-^ LOL! The ending was sucked. But that's what makes me wanting to watch for the next series. Oh faster faster.. I hope there's next one for the continuation. Handsome pleasee.. :)

Sape tak cair oii bile die renung gitu!!
Belle please exchange place with me. I wish to be in his arms too.
Pleaseeeee? LOL !

Taylor Lautner!
You really hotstuff laaaaaa! Geram aku!!

Edward no worries i do still love you. Your romance side makes me craving for love like that in Twilight series :D Tho Muhammad was abit dislike for your-don't-know-how-to-act.. but you and Belle the most matching couple. Sweeeeettt :D
If with Jacob, lagiiiii kena.. Teehee!

2009-12-11T17:34:00.035+08:00

Dance Exam. Hmm....

Turned out havoc-ly. Me and my girls were told to report at 1pm. But received sudden call from Kak Huda to come down immediately/asap/NOW before 12pm. By that time, time checked was 11.25am! Panicky oii! Lucky me to wake up early. Already washed up.. was recalling Telok Blanga at that moment. Erm actually, I already received msg regarding the sudden change. But i silent my hp at wrong time. Haiya..

Ehk, but really not our fault. Supposed at 1pm but Cik Som gt last minutes meeting to attend. So, there's changes but.. my dear Kak Huda forgot to inform us yesterday for the new timing. She only informed the another group. Maybe because we went home ealier than the rest.. so they got the message but not us. Furthermore, Kak Huda was super busy yesterday.. she must have forgotten. It's okay new experience for us, right? :)

The rest all prepared nicely by the time we reached. Hmph! So, they went for the exam first. But for us.. instead of 1 hour to prepare everything, we were only given 5mins to get all done. Uh huh 5 MINUTES! A frantic rush i tell you. Some more.. with Abang Adel trying to add the already ironic situation by counting down for us -______- And yes, done-ed in 5mins (only with costumes, foundation & lipstick only!). Obviously we not completed with eye shadows, blusher etc but these are the most important things to be done in this kind of situation.

Ready.... standby.. dance...... and DONE! Everything finished by 1pm.
Wah seriously.. that was f-hilarious! Should have record it siaa. Everyone was like whatever. Hahaa!
"This is how professional dancers should react and do for last minutes changes" - Som Said

Bravo for my group! *clapping hands* At least we get the opportunity to feel how chaotic it could be. Haha! So if it were to happen in the future.. we know what to do. Anyway, today's grade will be given next friday. Why? You will know later.

Conclusion for this 5days course.
Despite the unexpected situation on our last day.. I've learnt alot & I love it! Not only i finally get to learn Zapin Telok Blanga (jyeaahh!) but i also learnt how to catwalk, modelling, make up, hair-do, symbolics of dance and props & alot more. Actually i am thankful that CikSom have to rush for meeting. If not, im very sure she will drillllllllll us with more questions, check in details for our make up and costumes. Phew! Ehhhh not so fast! Need to attend another workshop next week. Hais. Not related with dance but music. Will be learning kompang, angklung blablabla. And exam again?? Aiseyman...

2009-12-10T18:16:00.015+08:00

So far, dance workshop is going pretty well. I somehow miss dancing traditional dance because for months we have not learn any new dance and that got me bored somehow. Tomorrow last day and will having exam. Prepare everything on our own hair make up and etc.. all must be ready within an hour! Geee will see how it goes.

Yesterday sent Hyekel off. Went with Ema, met Lee and Joe at the airport. Few of our friends like Firman Hanafi HaikelGC & other students frm ITE CE going to Myammar. Baca doa selamat for them, led by Jo. Hyekel.... da bagus org bacakan tau.. lagi leh main2 uat muka sardine..apadahhh! For today.. i couldn't make it on time to send bestie Leana off to Penang. By the time i ended school.. she just aboard the plane. So, only got to talk to her thru the phone. I badly missing her. I need hugs from her.. i need her at that time. Almost cry while talking :'( Nevermind at least i had a looonggg chat with her yesternight while she packing her lugage. Hahaaa! Btw babe, im happy for you. Not going to put any hope for this but he like those heroes in the movies. Macam Edward sehh.. Can sense if you're in danger. I like!! Such a superheroo oo oo!

Do have a safe trip to and fro. Have fun guyssssss! :D

HAPPY BIRTHDAY :

Taufik.B

From a good looking to even more charming man now *meltssssss* Oh Taufik, you're always f-hotttaa!!!
May you always stay dashing&hot (hehe!), success and continue to achieve your dreams.
Never give up alright! Jiayou :D

Precious Ayah & Mak.

I may be the most hard-to-control person the in house. I may (or always) hurt your feelings with harsh words or being such a ignorant to the max daughter. But you ought to know i have never mean to hurt you, what's more to do this sinful bits towards you two.. The two of you are too much dear to me.
I love you forever more ♥

Allah bless You.
xoxo

2009-12-08T00:13:00.011+08:00

Had a tiring day, travelling from one place to another.
Attended school as usual at 8am. Pathetic. Thanks Irfan for the wake up call. Haha didn't really expect you really called me. Then, rushed back home and off for dance workshop. Today's class conducted by Kak Huda and i truly miss having dance lesson with her. I just love everything about her from the way she dance walk talk etc. Learning Zapin Telok Blanga! After for like nearly 2 years not able to catch up the steps, finally i have the chance to learn it again. Yeahh done with more than half of the song. Tomorrow with continue with the rest :) Great!

Chit chat session since we have like an hour more left.
I love talking to her. She really inspires me alot. Not only in dance wise, but also in terms of life wise too. Sadly enough, i'm unable to attend the morning classes because i can't really afford to skip my school's classes in the morning. I can't. I can't. I need to organise my time veryyy well from now on. Final year beb! Still, I will make full use of this course.. 4 more days..

Then zoom-ed to school again. Had iTalent meeting. Sound pretty cool for this event. Will update more about this soon. Watched Case 39 with Khai, KakBan, Aliman&friends. Thumbs up, should watch it. As always had fun screaming with Khai. Paisey la eh terpekik haaha! Thanks for fulfilling my wish :) But i still want to watch 2012. Haha! Da basi la nana! Nevermind. Next movie, New Moon!! Okay i super can't wait.
Weekends pleaassse come faster, pleasee :D

often i dun understand ❤

2009-12-06T23:08:00.000+08:00

Cheeky Tan Hong Ming ! ;D
See, even kids understands it.

Sometimes.. you've got to be hurt before you can move on. And that makes you stronger. But at other times, you get hurt.. and you can never trust again. Cause in the end, the people that you trust the most are the ones who are bound to break your heart.

Everything was amazingly beautiful and i devotedly loved you.
Thankyou for all. Past ~

2009-12-05T23:47:00.012+08:00

All i want for Christmas is....

Christmas Dreams Concert went quite well as an overall despite we had alittle not satisfied about the event. We just don't find it worth it for the 3mins compared to the rest. Really. We find it wasn't fair for us but to make it much more worth it.. we take it to the positive side. In the end, things went haywire despite our rehearsals went perfectly fine. Doesn't mean how hard we try, sometimes.. things still won't go the way we wanted. So, i'm fine with it since we all don't really have the mood at the first place, as expected. So, having fun & just enjoy for what it is.The rest of the performances was great and lively. Soul was the best one and F.E for their cute steps :)

Before that, i having bad headache so much. So i kept myself at one corner.. laughing at their funny jokes from far. After the event, all of us required to clean up the place. Everyone seemed to be a happy kid carrying the fake Christmas presents around.. And i was one of them. Hyekel became my photographer. We both acted like a real kid.. went high over the presents, Christmas tree and etc LOL! By the way.. ignoring the headpain was a good way :)

. . . . . . . .

HAPPY 21ST BLISSFUL BIRTHDAY KHAIRULLAH!
(4th December)

You don't know much changes u made in my me eversince i met you. You never get bored & always they for me to pour out every little things that bothers me, always ready to lend me shoulder to cry on. You're appreciated for every smile and laugh you creates in my toughest times. And im thankful to Allah for having you part of my life. May all the good wishes are with you forever.
You know i love you alootttt :) ♥

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ELAH AND RAIF!
May the two of you are blessed with happiness success and lovelovelove..
Stay happy and healthy always okay.. Have a blissful days ahead.
Allah bless the three of you.
lovelove.

2009-12-01T00:02:00.009+08:00

Almost watch 2012 today after school. But it was impossible for me to reach there on time. Grr! So, better cancel it. I've been wanting to watch movies lately. Tsk. If only i could fly. Haha! I know it's kindda almost-old-movie by now.. but i still wanna watch it. Oh and more than that, i deadly wanna watch NEW MOON! Yes i want and must watch it no matter what. But unfortunately won't be able to watch this week. Confirm plus chop already. As much as i want.. but im packed this week :'( Have to wait patiently for next week. It seems so so lonnnggg sehh...

Back to today.. slacked at studio with F.E and Andi. They having Kbox session.. but acoustic version LOL! I dint really joined them thou im the one who started it first. Engrossed reading novel while waiting for Atik and Yana. No plans. Soon after decided to chill somewhere or cafe since Atik have something to share with us & Yana wanna feeling like rich lady/at western countries. Hehe!! Ended at starbucks.. we all feeling at Paris!! :) Had fun time. We covered many topics.. Sharing some stuffs/opinion about life, relationship and etc. Seems more to counselling session. Been a long time since we had this chit chat. Then came Zie.. from Simei, took plane to Paris. Hahaaa! Thanks Lee for the drink-treat :D and girls, for the day. *hugs*

3 years of Championship :D

2009-11-29T01:18:00.017+08:00

Once again, YYSS Malay Dance grabbed the title of Championship in Dance Xplosion for the 3rd time! YEAH! Thou im not part of them this year but i do sure missed the feeling i used to have 2 years ago. It was so indescribable feeling. One have to feel it hehee! If not, i get to be with my girls but i have my current school now and need to support. It's okay. Everyone must have the chance to feel it too. Came down to my former school in the afternoon. Miss the dance studio. That's where my passion begins.. polishing the passion step by step till where i am now, and still learning. Looking at the juniors practising so hard.. make me have the faith they will confirm make it thru again this year. In fact i already knew they will be Champion again even before the Preliminary round. I don't know why but i have faith in them always. They never let me down. The girls went crazy when the Emcee mentioned our sch name. We were jumping in the middle and there goes our ladylike character LOL! I really missed those feeling. Got interviewed and didn't know we have outside supporters too. I love you girls so much!

That's KakHuda, my idol.
No words can describe how thankful i am to meet her during my sec sch years. I've always amazed with her talents. Her graceful movements in dancing makes me want to be like her oneday. She's the one who push me this far. Help me explore more and showcase my talent too. Hopefully i can be part of the YOG :D Thank you so much for everything, for 7 years. Without you, we will not make it this farrrrrr.. Sayang Kak Huda many many. Muacks!

Thanks Ifran for coming down. Haha you don't have to drag the rest too laa. Pity them hehe. But thank you for your support :) Hirzie, the judges is not being biased atau sbb 'kenal org dalam'. Not about being smart but how diligent we are in doing things. And iam happy because it is my former school.. so, i should be proud of them. Furthermore, it is where i belong hehee. Dun be jealous hor Zie XD Oh anyway, we were locked outside the studio. Yea, the key went cookoo at that night. Can't unlock the door. So need to go by the back door.. Darn! That was scary. So ya, that's the end of this year Dance Xplosion but we will be back for more next year :)

First time participating in Dance Xplosion 2. And that was when the championship moment started and, still hanging on the title for 3 years straight.
Keep the glory going !

XOXO

am i being ego here?

2009-11-28T10:04:00.005+08:00

Scream all you want if it makes you feel better.
No harm in screaming.

Going thru difficult ride lately. I know this is not what we wanted but it's happening, have to endure with it with the hopes of getting better for us. Everyone has their own faults with or without us realising it. So, im not going to push everything to you. You're mending things out and im trying too as well. But pardon me for my cranky mode.. I know im too much for us. Sometimes i feel im making things worst.. only to make you upset.. Don't know if iam putting my ego for now. But what i know Im lost on track.. losing control of myself for sure. I know i always gives you difficult time. Tolerating my too much nonsense & all. My apology for keep making you feel disappointed hurting & upset. Never do i expect things to turn this way.

My girls, for what happened.. you know im not doing it on purposely. I'd explained. Sorry if i was venting my flare the other day. I'm not mad but just disappointed only. I hate when you assume things that is way not even close to true. Regardless, we already sort things out. I will make up for you guys soon :) loveya!

So much of exhausting days for me. Resulting the outcome this way :'(
To be frank.. when things are like this, no one else i will blame but me. iam bad.

updating last week events

2009-11-26T21:32:00.020+08:00

Last week was exhausting week.
So, on last Saturday.. my team (Me Leana Haniz & Wahidah) participated for the Quest - Nebo this year. From Fort Canning - Downtown. Supposed with Shana but she can't make it on the last minutes.. Wahidah replaced her. Thanks Wawa. To me, last year was much better. But this year was more challenging. At least we did completed all checkpoints and reached finish point before 3pm. Good one! Had miscommunication as usual but good thing is, we learn more about each other. After amazing race for Quest.. then, amazing race to Yana's house.. get all prepared in very short time for wedding event at Tampines. Da mcm amazing race..Rushing abes!! Unfortunately, just my luck to fall sick that night. Grrr! So the wrong timing. All so messed up but who cares.. i f-sick.

Preliminary for the Dance Xplosion on the last Sunday. We (Mly Dance ft Soul Percussion) didnt get through to the finals, disappointed :'( Who doesn't right? Everyone giving each other encourage to have our chin up again. That's the spirit. We will perform again tgthr soon alright. But at least, we know the reasons for not going to the finals. It's okay United we were great on that day. At most we all enjoyed ourselves :) To F.E: i was surprised that you ppl didnt make it too. I dontknow why.. but u all was the most outstanding group. Really!! The rest of the participants was so-the-typical kind.
No worries, to me.. F.E is always amazing and fantastic :)
"Menang dan kalah adat pertandingan".

To my beloved YYSS Mly Dance: Congratulations! I know you girls will make it to the finals and i have faith that you will cling the title of Champion again this year. Insyallah. Sorry cant make it to see you all performed but i've watched the video posted at Syafinah's blog. Baik laaa.. Go girls! Iam way proud of you all love!
Do your all best this Saturday!

Since everyone had such a hectic days lately.. decided to have an outdoor activity during training. It's bonding time!! Few of the guitar club ppl was at the cemta doing nothing so invited them along. First time doing this and it was so much fun. Everyone had effing awesome time sabo-ing one another.. esp to Khai haha! Advance sabo for his birthday next month. He pulled me down so that i get all dirty&wet. And i injured my elbow lor.. Khai jahat ahhaha! Game planned by Yana. She thot she can get away from all the 'fun' moments.. but too bad, i won't let anyone off easily*bluks*. Then Me and Yana played hide and seek at the stadium just to attack Lee. LOL! At the end of the day, everyone get dirty and wet. Covered with flour for sure ;D HAHA! Clever to some of us (including me) for not bringing extra garments.. what's more towel and other necessary things. Chet! Cause never cross my mind it would turn out to be like crazy.
So, time to wash up.. only Allah and the girls know ^_^
BEST`

2009-11-25T00:56:00.006+08:00

Hey quick updates.

The fact is that i have tons to update. So many things happened for the past few days. But i can't find the perfect timing to update for now. Busy with school thingy & still hanging on with my two modules. And my CCA is another thing too. Therefore, I've been feeling lethargic lately.. yea cranky cranky. I've been tiring myself with too many things i guess. My brain is not functioning well.. body aching.. lack of sleep.. sensitive, often havin' negative thoughts.. mind disturbed and so on and forth..
Oh and i can even sleep while standing too. LOL.

2009-11-20T10:32:00.006+08:00

=_='

Went Bendemeer Primary School.. make up for 14 students for their Speech's Day.
Was told to be there at 630AM but i woke up at 615 hahahas! I seriously can't bring myself up or even open my eyes. Body aching due to yet another continuous dance training and yesterday's napfa test. Cramp. Late so, i have to cab there lor. Alhamdullilah everything done-ed in an hour. Just in time phew.
Tapi tangan ni lenguh abes.. Oh and i envy their flawless skin. Hmph!

Just got home and, I think i better get back to sleep before going out again in the evening for NYP's Production. Sorry Irfan can't go watch movie with you all. Too tired now. Need to rest.
Update again later. Bye.

emotionally unstable

2009-11-19T02:04:00.023+08:00

"No one understands you wholly except for you"
It sadden me effing much. Everything in mess. Totally.

I feel the twinge. Yes you're pissed and disappointed with things but it breaks my heart when you keep assuming things. Whats more not telling me my wrongs.. not asking my reasons for why things have been changing or my busy-abouts.
Not really knowing my real weaknesses. Indeed, it's impossible to please everyone.. im bad in managing my time (really).
My months has been truly a chaotic months, improper planning. And I can swear, I have no time for myself too.

Nevertheless, I've been carrying this hope with me.. hoping you people will understands me in no matter what reasons.. even if it may seems too much. But lately, somehow, this hope is shattering. I'm not trying to be selfish here.. wanting you to understand me always but i just hate when my close ones is assuming things about me. You know negative thoughts.
To be frank, I don't want or even wish to be in this extricate. It greatly dishearten me.

Okay good.. now everyone seems to be incensed and disappointed in me.
Then i must have been that bad.
='/

2009-11-17T00:54:00.003+08:00

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen, nor touched ... but are felt in the heart.

World Drum

2009-11-15T12:42:00.010+08:00

My Saturday was awesome at the end of the day :)
Before proceed to Rp for World Drum Night.. went down to TKC to support Kamsani for his Final round in one of the singing competition there (forgot the comp name actually hehs!). Then last minutes plan. Trained to Chinese Garden. Me and Lee accompanied Kaz to his cousin's wedding.
A hungry man is always an angry man LOL!

Then finally to RP. Perfect timing reached at Woodlands Inter. Met Atikah :)Don't know why Atikah was kinda happy girl that night. Haha. Lepak till late, very late night. During the show i was separated from Lee&Atik. One end to another. I sat with boys from Soul and Guitar members. Me alone girl with the boys P.I.M.P haha!! Good thing, always have something to laugh till one of the RP usher approached us to lower down our volume. The boys esp Mas teased me with sagap (yawning). I will proved you wrong ok! Afterwhich, had our dinner at Mac. Yea..cheese burger!! Been craving for it.
But, we (15people) ate outside, on the floor!
CUTENESS!

[ Edited ]

FUN time karaoke at Zizie's birthday party.
Erm we was the one who conquered the mic....
And the last to went back home, even her aunties and uncles went back home before us.
LOL!

Balinese dance cum Pusaka Juniors

2009-11-12T23:08:00.005+08:00

After much of intensive training and body aching all over body.. finally everything ended today. Hurray! Glad that everything went so fine. Everyone did pretty good! Despite abit chaotic at few parts but for us, still new in this.. i was impressed. Kudos! And for my juniors.. nice one! Meletup korang eh. Haha. Thanks Liana, Azmin, Shana & Han for coming down. You guys always there to support me whenever i have performance without failed :) sayang you all!

After having our late lunch/dinner.. went to Ehub watched Paranormal Activity with Yana Lee & Atik. Been waiting for this since last week but was quite disappointed. The rest can't make it but it's okay i understand on that. So Atik be my 'boyfriend' for the day! Paranormal is effing freakin scary merry. I cried, cried because i was totally freak out. Oh yes, i did cried. Luckily Atik was there to hug me. She was sweet such a good bf :D The both of us were too close, head to head somemore! Freak sia the movie.. i was too scared to even go home, iam (really!). Atik almost send me back home. Aw sweet. We also ride 'mini rider 2'. Kekek FUN! Haha.. ride with Atik. Yana with Lee. I truly had awesome day with the three of you. lovelove.

But! I still afraid about that Paranormal. I begged Mak to accompany me tonight but sadly, she don't want and off to her room :'( Feel like crying lor.. Don't think i will be able to sleep well tonight. Hopefully brother sleep later than me. Someone please accompany me.. pretty please..

2009-11-11T23:47:00.007+08:00

Really hectic week i have to go thru. Intensive training continuously. Shagged.

But Atikah make my day despite me making her angry somehow (i guess).
She was VERY mad at me and scold me over the phone :( Then out of nowhere..
she silently came down to cemta, ran towards me and gave me a hug & kisses from behind..
HAHHAA i was stunted laa. Afterwhich she off from there without any words.
Aww.. that was too sweet baby! :)

Okay i need to force myself to sleep. It show time tomorrow!! May all go smoothly.
Amin.

2009-11-09T01:04:00.002+08:00

another long hectic week.
tsk.

takecare all.
xoxo - lovelove.

one of my nice day ..

2009-11-08T15:12:00.026+08:00

I thought my Saturday going to be a boring day but, no.
At the end of it.. i had a good time spent with mySimSim. Erm last minutes plan & short day thou'. Went to catch Jennifer's Body since Love Happens start late :'( BOO! Was quite disappointed actually but lucky Jennifer's Body not that bad. Wahhh!! Megan is one damn HOT babe!!

She just so f-hot!!

Today is Sunday.
Well oh well.. im at home. Relaxing my poor body after my uber hectic weekdays i had this week. My body start aching badly.. my body is seriously exhausted need to rest, if possible, i want to just sleep the whole day. Haha.
But at least i didn't waste my day. Did some revision (erm really meh?), online movie..
spent time with family & not forgetting my two lovely pets (my cat & hamster).

I shall end my post for today by saying how much I MISS MY GIRLS, INCLUDING ERNIE :(
It's been awhile and my apology for not having time with you. I'd tried but i can't because i really really
want to have a perfect day, the whole day..well spend only with you all.

misses ~

Blessed to have you girls with me despite all the shitty we went thru.
Still strong thou we're miles apart,
because.. we are close to our ♥

2009-11-07T15:05:00.008+08:00

It's been a very hectic weekdays for me.

Intensive training for Dance Xplosion and Balinese Dance from Monday to Wednesday.

Thursday went for the Guitar's Tale in the evening with few of cemta people. Extremely awesome!
I have always inlove with acoustic songs. Sounds so romantic & i like it! Especially Wonderful tonight, my all time favourite song. You guys did fabulous! :)

Then Friday. Uber tiring day of the week (i swear!). Came back to school despite no class for that day. Went for the Farm Tour. Me Atik Yana together with unknown students from our school hahahaha! The journey to the farm was freaking boring without Khai.. 1 hour journey! So i have to play songs from my hp to make the surroundings lively till the three of us fell asleep. Zzzzz.

The tour was actually really great, so fresh and greenery. Fresh air! I love nature fyi :) But too much of greenery makes it alittle boring. No colours of flowers..plain HAHA. What's more, i wore the wrong shoe. My poor pinky shoeeeeee! Damnn.. :( felt like taking it off when we walked on the muddy area. TSK! Those mats was really annoying too, complaining non-stop. Padan muke kasut korang kena lumpuh jugak.. lagi teruk dari aku hehex! Then another an hour journey back to school. Zzzzz. By then, i was superbly exhausted and dont feel good. But still, Me and Atik make our way to RP for Tango show. Due to this, we decided on something that we never thought we would do. There story behind this. It's between me and Atik only. HAHAHAHAHAH naughthy us!! Atik lovelove.

Yana favourite song of the day.
She already knew the song and how the song will be sing even before
we meet the owner of the farm. Clever Yana :D

and i pray to Allah..

2009-11-04T01:02:00.002+08:00

I need you to put my heart at ease
as i often feel insecure and restless.

amin.

unsure feeling..

2009-11-03T00:48:00.000+08:00

arts camp 09

2009-11-01T23:25:00.011+08:00

30th Oct - 1st Nov

Arts camp never failed to allow me learning new things. My third time i guess but, this time.. completely different from the previous two. We learnt about wayang kulit (skin theater?). It isn't easy to make everything in one day. Alot of effort needed, ideas for the storyline..characters and so on and forth. Wah seriously for this, people with millions of creativity is totally needed. And as for me, iam weak in drawing especially to draw people? Suckx alot! But it was good as we get to get along with the rest :) I love the place we lived for a night. The hostel is damn cool.. like hotel. The living room, kitchen.. dining table, board games all have.. enjoy i tell you! Our room have study table.. our own bed..lamp etc. But sadly, my night was not spent fruitfully like enjoying watching tv (only for while), or chit chat session with friends. Me and Azirah had to stay awake, finished up cutting&drawing wayang kulit in our room for the next morning. And lucky Yana to have good teammates (i guess).. she slept at 12am because she already settled hers. Btw.. Lee stood infront of our door to watch Yana, waited till she fell asleep. Aw sweet hor! Ok back to me.. i slept at only 2am.. kesian kan? Maklum la tak bnyk ideas ahahhs. More worse.. i was damn hungry at that night. Really!! And i also missed Atik because if not, i get to sleep at her tummy hehe.
Confirm i will have a nice night and soudly asleep LOL!

Next day, reported at 7.30am..breakfast/completing unfinished things for our show (wayang kulit) at 9am. Then had talk/workshop.. Library's talk..so draggy.
I like personal gromming and public etiquette.. best! I like :)

As whole, everything was okay. But don't know why i can't feel the 'enjoying feeling' like i has for the previous two. Didnt get to be in the same group with Haicurl seh.. Our plan failed. Haiya, Miss Elfa so clever in grouping us this time HAHAAH! Nevermind, i still do had my hell fun there.. no worries.. Haicurl for entertained/accompanied me :) Zie saw what he NOT supposed to see.. Gee so embarrassing okay! Yana and Khai for makin' the event more lively. And the rest, nice knowing you all.. and now you get to see my crazy&loud side of me.

2009-10-29T23:40:00.004+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAMA!

May you have a blissful days with your beloved family always, forever :D
Glad to know you.. such a wonderful and fun-going mother.
GOD BLESS YOU.

And i'm super excited for tomorrow's Art Camp !!

2009-10-28T23:48:00.002+08:00

Birthday celebration for Yana, Hadi & Kamal!! So sex-cited :D

Everything went so well, just like what the three mastermind has planned earlier. Phew! And their face reaction was what we wanted to see the most, esp from Yana hahahaha! She somehow merajuk because she thot she have no proper birthday celebration. Oh dear, how can we forget that. No way! We planned like 2 weeks before for all this :) And you don't know how bad i felt when i get to know that you merajuk for this.. i felt really bad okay! Ask Lee and Joe.
But afterall, it's a surprise mah.. so must tahan abit.

Hope the three of you love this surprises because i loved it so much. Actually i felt jealous lor because they have a celebration with friends around. How i wish ahhaha! So that's why i feeling2 like me celebrating for my belated birthday haahaa!! :)

The three mastermind.
LOVE ♥

BIRTHDAY TWIN !

2009-10-25T22:22:00.004+08:00

MY COOLEST FRIEND, KAMAL.. HAPPY 20TH BIRTHDAY!
And MY DEAR GIRL, YANA.. HAPPY 18th BIRTDAY!

♥

May the two of you have the best and memorable day.
Be happy & have your fullest fun.. continue achieving your dreams alright.
Never ever give up because nothing is impossible in this life.
Work hard for it eventhou you have to go thru the hardest times.
And that is when you will feel the real satisfaction.
Allah bless you :)

2009-10-25T15:58:00.006+08:00

Yesterday was another happy day for me. Uh huh! I still feel the happiness about yesterday..still smiling recalling funny moments with my friends. Joe said he will come over to propose me & his Korean ascent LOL. I had fun! :) Went PS to meet my hot yet heat boify Lee Min Ho! But i'll save about this later. So angry! Had lunch at Mac, but with suprises from SimSim. Belated birthday celebration. Aww.. so sweet! The card was what i wish for.. mcm tau2 aje dia nie. And he bought for me Prudge Brownies, my favourite & it's BIG!!! Shared with friends.. i just love the feeling, sharing with them makes me simply happy. And I almost cry.. tears of joy of course. Thank you.. sayang awak!

. . . . . . . .

Now let me vent my heartbreakin' here. It dishearten me very much and such HUGE disappointment of not seeing Lee Min Ho, even a glimpse yesterday. Atik know what i meant, she know how i felt that point of time. How could they cancelled the event? :'( I went thru all those roller coaster between those crazy fans, from way back to the front of Etube house.. perspiring like toots and etc. Urgh! Irritating okay. Thanks to the fans for not listening to those sickening bouncers' instructions. I still can't get over it lor.. but for security & safety concerns, they have to. I understand that because i was there, witnessed how horrible and overwhelming it was. Crazy fans!

And Q got his file..sent him off from airport this morning :( Best nyerrr! (jealous tone).
Nevermind, he promised to drop by again with better organised schedule. Make it soon alright min ho! :) Yesterday's management was freaking effin' suckxx. Darn them with such a lousy management and irritating bouncers. Tupid tupid!!

2009-10-23T21:27:00.004+08:00

Champion for Performing Arts Challenge '09...
From EIT School! Congratulations!!
You guys deserved it for your every week rehearsal :)

Last Monday had Performing Arts Challenge for Business School. As coordinator, Kamsani & Me, tried our best to make all turn out smoothly. Alhamdullilah everything went so well. I would like to thank(s) to all my performers who participated. And to staffs for the very lively item and i super enjoyed it! Didn't know Ms Ida joined too.. cute la you!

So, as overall.. we had two best performers ;
Soul Percussion (AHS) & Fresh Element (EIT).
Overall champion is EIT School. Congratulations!

From Business School. (above)
Thankyou so much! You people did well :D
Nice knowing/meeting you all. Keep in touch.
LOVE.

2009-10-21T23:32:00.003+08:00

I don't know where to start but i will keep it, to where it belong.
I just want a simple life.

2009-10-17T23:47:00.009+08:00

17th October ; Impak Maksima The Musical

Ohman! I love musical so much, so how can i resist this too, right? Wanted to ask Ms Elfa regarding Impak Maksima.. bring Cemta people to watch this, but she sound me first :) she didn't get to finsh her question.. i straight away answered YES! So... actually my day started with such a bad way. Maybe because i cramped all to myself that it was about to burst out. My mood was kindda disturbed since yesterday, then this morning brother trying to be funny with me.. that i yelled at him. Then i cried eventually.

So.. i asked Atik to accompany me to Orchard since she wanted to check out on something. Then meet Yana soon after. Thanks girls for accompanied me! lovelove. Sorry eh aku ni cerewet banyak heheheheh :D Then haunt for Nasi Ayam Penyet that Yana wanted. Gosh, my legs was begging for mercy. Atik's too. I wonder how that Yana can managed with her heels? Finally found after we searched all corners. That Surabaya's is power maut!
Shall eat there again.. only after my throat have recovered.

Then we actually ran and/or walked as fast as possible to Esplanade. LATE!
The Musical was effin' awesome. So groovy! Cool shit, they drift on the stage summore *mouth open*. Just my luck to still have sore throat -____- This part was no fun cause i can't shout and laugh loudly. Too many hilarious scenes, too many coolshit scenes (drifting & dance scenes), too many romantic scenes too. But, me being me, i hack care with my sickness.. i still shout eventhou i have to cough (madly) after a second and, i still laugh eventhou my laughter sounded awful :) I don't care i don't care cause i want to enjoy myself. Atik said one of the scene was like the one i did for Raden Mas. Yeah like two years back? I wonder if there's anymore musical production.. i miss doing and get myself busy doing all this hahaha. Anyway, i just realised that i will confirm never missed to knock my head against the seat when i get too hyper. LOL

DK OH DK ^.^

16th October ; Marina Barrage Tour

It was Friday, so as what stated on my new timetable.. no class(es) for my class. Gerek! But i came back to school for Marina Barrage Tour with other cemta-ians including few eurasian students/i dontknow them. We have to make friends with them (forced to). This was my first time visiting this place. If not, my first time will be for my birthday celebration, but was cancelled. So, i was excited laaa! Jaaakooonn i tell you! We did explore the gallery, the newspaper laa, about the water, how it works and so on and forth. Fret not, i didn't pay my attention to our guide who was explaining about Marina Barrage..hehes! Too busy takin' pictures pictures and more pictures.

Once we reached at the top.. jeng jeng jeng!!
"Ehh, ambil gambar ramai2 tau!"
" K jom lompat pulak!
"Amek gambar!!!!"
HAHAHA!

2009-10-17T01:19:00.005+08:00

Lee Min Ho!
I love looking at his charmin' face :)
Heard he's coming over here on this 24th.
H O T T Y *melting*

. . . . . .

Feeling sick again tonight. Vomited :'( Then this moodswing came along.
Head pain and running nose is not kind to me again.. not forgetting throat as well.
Oh please do behave urself. Allah, do let me get well soon. Amin.
Anyway, been watching Korean's MV for past few hours to distract my mind?
Cheer up abit abit and, maybe to have my own time alittle.

I think i can be too much at times..
And in times, I must have been so bad too.
Sumtimes, it would be easier to hide,
And disappear. Goodnight.

Mianhe.

2009-10-13T23:01:00.014+08:00

Sore throat, Coughing, Fever, Flu, Headache = dying.
I'm f-sick for 5 days. NO FUN!

Friends have been very kind to me, always.
Nevertheless, they also love to disturb me. "Wah suara sexy seh!" WAK LUUUU! HAHAHA! Teasing me with their step minah-rock-voice. And even more worst ask me to keep quiet whenever i talk and they say that i laugh like nenek kebaya?? *yakdush* Ewah melampau noh korang! Tkper nasib tau pujuk aku alek lau tak memang aku akan bisu ajee. Tau pun takut ehh.. hehe! Not to worry.. i know you love me so much deep down hehehe :) Thanks for looking after me a this period of time when i feel like dying :) lovelove ♥

Yesterday was the worst one. Shivering, felt so bloody cold. Totally feel like dying.
I can't bring myself up to walk even for a short distance. Slept damn early. Taking medicine makes me feel even more sick.. not getting any better? Hais.. 38 °C. Coughin' is getting worse. I want my voice back :'( My world seems to be so quiet. I need doctor but iam too stubborn to go clinic. I don't want.

On lighter note,
i passed my FTT yesterday :))) Alhamdullilah.
Took me a day and 1/2 to study everything.
Yes, i studied in this condition (pity me). It was hard for me (VERY!).
And i realised, i was the last few to finish. LOL!

miss my friends

2009-10-11T15:57:00.003+08:00

Spent the whole day at home. Don't worry i did nothing hahas. Just finished up what i have to do. Watched Bring It On 5 just now.. HAHAHA I know im kinda late by few months. Who cares. I love Cody Longo, he's just cute and Christina Milian.. way too HOT! Phewwitt! Thanks Khai for the DVD! loveyou.

. . . . . . . . .

Will be back to school tomorrow!!
Before that.. my gpa results was so NOT what i expected. Drop and i was disappointed.
Costing pulled my grades down. Damnit! So, only two modules to mug for this term.
Jiayou! Jiayou!

Still, I'm so sex-citing for tomorrow because will be meeting my friends after for a month holidays. I miss them lor. It surprised me that i do miss my classmates too. Uh'huh. Didn't get to meet them during holidays, minus Leana. Erm and Shana too. But Shana, coincidentally bumped into her at Orchard and we just didn't talk much. 'Hi hi Bye bye' only..
So i don't consider that hehehe.

Especially my MrBean a.k.a MrAzmin here. I miss teasing him lor. He always sms me saying that he miss his favourite girl (which is, me) damnnn soooooo much. Till he dreamt about me. Goodness, mimpi yang bukan2 pulak tu dakni. For two time somemore and he likes it? Ewww! *yakdush* Nevermind, make sure you come tmr hor!! Must come cos i want to disturb youuuu!

And I miss bestfriendsssssss the hell alot :D I miss my dancemates.. my lunch time clans especially. I miss having Atikah and Yana around during training. It feels a little different without them, frankly. So yeah, their attachment ended and they will be back for training again. Hurrayyyy! Lame tak lepak tempat kegemaran kite tu, Level 3 :) Hahas.

Random pictures. I miss you all.
See you guys soon.
XOXO

2009-10-10T23:15:00.007+08:00

Since movie plan was cancelled, and i really want to go out.. i decided to go to Syafiq's open house at Bedok. Before that, headed to Tampines for window shopping. Lucky Yana and Lee went too. Hunger strikes so zooomm to Syafiq's house. Meet Atikah over there. I miss this two girls alot! And after chit chat for awhile, had alittle fun with Syafiq's nieces and nephews.. we off to Tamp again. If not gonna catch movie, but hahas tak jadi. So shopping with the girls :D So fun!
Yup, with our kurungs hor!
HAHAHA!

This is Insyirah a.k.a Betty Boop.
Serupa kan dorang!!!!
Ngok laaa posing pon bukan main lagi hahahas!
She just sooooooooooo cute :)

. . . . . . . . .

I'm sick :(
Sore throat and my body start to ache all over due to training i guess. Bali dance some more. Wahhhh! Badan leh patah seh. Vomitted again this morning.. dont feel good. Hais so sian. School reopen soon and I'm here start to get sick, BOO! :/ Btw, I think i need to change my blogskin and blog's songs too. Suddenly sick of it.. I'm bored with it. Need to change asap. Raya pun da abes ape lagi nak lagu2 raya hehes. What's for tomorrow? Will see how it goes..

Goodnight.

And... Lo echo de menos
:)

2009-10-09T23:06:00.012+08:00

Stomp (at Esplanade) was a hell awesome. Gerekly cool-ness, and i superly lovin' it. Got to meet up with peoplesssss who i have not see for quite some time due to holiday. So, like so called reunion but not for long. Mostly, didnt get to sit with Atikah Khai and Yana. Uh'huh felt the different thou'. First time lorr.. so far from them. Can only hear their laughter frm my seat hahs. Anyhoos, I had so much great time laughing and admiring the beats. Just f-awesome! And few parts was hilarious.. so yes, i'd laughing my ass out too ;D Not untill i realised i misplaced my jacket. Goodness, that really freak me out for a moment. Went for report, but the person said nothing was given to them as an item found. I almost tears i tell you! BUT lucky, i got it back. Before we left.. they said they've found it. Alhamdullilah. Truly happy :)

That was yesterday.
Super fun but didnt hang out much with friends who i misssssss alots. And Atikah too, she went off early. Never mind will meet them when school reopen.

So for today, nothing much. I finished up watching Smiley Pasta. Like finally! As always, happily ever after, the hero saves the beauty :) The girl, like i said before/Khai told me, so blur-ish like me -______- BLUR ABES! Betul sotong dia macam aku HAHA! But very sincere.. and cute *peace* I like this drama..and i'd cried oo! Touching, esp the part when the girl in coma. Then the parts when the guy always rescue her frm all harm. Awwww, suke suke! So man!! I wonder if i were to be at the girl place.. will my guy do that too? Protect me always and full of surprises hehes. But in this drama, the guy really put his pride first, so egoist lor. Menyampah pun ade ahahas!

Nasib la kau ni handsome, da la tuh.. lau senyum, caaiiiiiirrrrrr beta ;)
So lau kau uat aku geram ke marah ke, cekik darah aku pon..
insyallah aku tak akan lari nyee. Pandai sangat amek hati i.
HAHHAA.

2009-10-08T01:19:00.013+08:00

Amira get thru the next round. Alhamdullilah. Go girl!

So, after for so long not meeting those kakak(s) & abang(s).. finally, met them today :) It was a last minutes. Suddenly felt like going for SingaporeIdol after my training (end at 5pm) so i asked if there tickets left. Rushed back home and zooommmm to Water Loo St. Abg Adel sent me, and met KakHuda. Waited till they finished their rehearsal, at 8pm? Haha, yup! We was extremely late lor. Rushed there like F1 race.. and we actually had little fight with the uncle taxi in the middle of the road. Stupid uncle! KakHuda really gave big words to him. I like! Crazy uncle! Nasib tak accident siot. I took down his plate number cos he took KakHudas'. LOL Tak takut la eh! Hmph!

Zoooommm to Mediacorp but we missed Amira's part. When we reached was Sezairi turn. Sat at the back because we was really late, only after the show ended we moved at the bottom with the rest. Fun time screaming, and i love doing this because all my stresssss will be vanished ;D

Had dinner at Newton. Fulermak.. Shiooook beb! Insyallah will meet them again soon. Reached home around 1am+? Gosh, hahas.. naseb ade orang tumpang alek ;) To my other friends i met at Mediacorp, sorry if i were like
'hi hi-bye bye' only after the show. I was in rush. So sorry I feel bad.

Tomorrow will be another tiring day. Will be in school frm morning till evening. From there, off to Esplanade.
STOMP here i comeeeeeeeeeeeee !

I miss you but, i still mad with yoouuuuuuuuuu hor!!

2009-10-06T23:34:00.003+08:00

Training today was abit stressed up. Alot of work need to be done. Not easy hor.
So stress but at least, today.. almost all was settle. Phew, perah otak jap aku. Stress.

Haunting for Lee's pants. Wahliao wey.. frm Bedok to Bugis and back to Bedok. Mampos. Have but no size -___-'' buat penat tawar harga hurhur! You too small laa bro.. hehs! Off to Tampines after our long rest. Anyway, thanks lee for the treat, Pretzel! :) By the way, i really want to watch 'Fame' so much. BUT most of my friends have watched it! Urghhhh! Bagus la tuh. By right, planned to watch with Khai Zie and the rest laa, but again, they already watched :'( iam so so soooo sad. Sedih la sangat-sangat.. orang nak tgk nie tapi sume da ngok. Boo :/
Anyone want to watch with me? Anyone? Anyone?

2009-10-05T22:34:00.005+08:00

Instead of accompanied Leana for her interview..we went Bugis and slack at Starbucks Suntec. I knocked my head against the chair. Very hard one because i was too happy when NRKM msged Leana. I was playing and teasing her, then suddenly this accident happened. -___- Serve me!

On the way home, in train, another shit happened. My luck to meet you twice and *toots* you for wink-ing at me. Middle finger as a gift to you. BODOH! Just not my day.

And since evening, iam mad for no reason. Hateit.

2009-10-04T23:53:00.009+08:00

Saturday.

I thought i have no plans. I thought i could stay at home and finish up watching Pasta drama. Have 2 more dics to go. But when i woke up, i have 4 invitations. Wahhh! Binggung jap aku. But ALL cancelled. So, last minute met up with bff Leana. Intention to go Library also cancelled. Hais. Had take away dinner.. Burger King. HAHA we actually walked around Marina and Suntec. In the end we back to square one where we started LOL! Tulang belakang aku da la mcm nak tercabut.. lapar giler pulak tu. Finally, we found a perfect spot for the two of us. Where we can chit chat, watch commercial ads and camwhore :) Supposed Leana's date coming with us but he 'bubble' Leana laaa! Tsk. Kesian kawan aku tu, aku pon da semangat nak jumpe.. skali die cancel pulak. Baik! -___-'' tkper die yang rugi sendiri. Oh one more thing..i dont know how the hell a pearl (bubble tea's pearl) could end up under my foot! *toots*

Aside that.
(500) days of summer was good.

It's a must watch movie! Thanks Leana for the treat. Erm not really treat laa, she got 4 free tickets frm her company so she asked me along. Another two gave away to other people. Damnnn, i like lor the movie! While watching, the movie reminds me of Yana hahaha. Don't ask me why.

Romantic and hilarious. I remember that i laughed so loud for one scene hahs! Truly paisey. And another part, we two actually went silent. Senyap abes. After that, we back eating our popcorn LOL! Happened for most scenes that attract us the most *smiling*. Concentrate abes beb kwang3! Summer looks alot like Katy Perry.
And i like the ending, the guy meet up with Autumn ;D

Sayang kau Leana <3
Be strong.

last day of work.

2009-10-03T00:46:00.014+08:00

I do very much enjoyed my three days working. I told ya i missed working so, i had little-secret fun while doing my work with Farah at the back, my desk. Was alone for second day as Farah need to do some invoices, Lina too. Hm everyone was stressed with their works because they have to accomplish their target especially it was the end of September. All need to be clear up. As for me, chill je. I finished all my work before 3pm so mingled around and disturbed others. Apparently, they ignored me -___- Wanted to ask KakWani if there was anything i can do. But she seemed very busy, better don't. So decided to make friend. Helped Hatan with the bar code (Hatan: main-main tampal hehs!). Took my sweet time till time to knock off. Get to open my golden mouth talked to him, phew finally! I forced myself okay!! Eventually, we become 'closer'. Part ni Farah suke sangat kacau aku C H E T ! Oh.. we gossiped at my side with Hatan Aizzad while doing the bar code *swink*

Meet up with KazD MBK & Q over at Bugis after work. Slept in the train. Shiok! Accompanied them shopping. I broke liao, no shopping. Then off to Haji Lane. Sheeeeshaaa but excluding me. I was only there.. slacked at the corner watching teevee & took pictures only :) Wahh bukan main sheeeeshhhaaa dorang. Macam2 posing hahs! I dislike smoking, so no sheeshaa-ing as well. And, sheeeeeshaaaa-ing is even more no good than smoking. Fret not, i enjoyed at the same time :)
but not sheeeeeshaaaa .

Third day was havoc. Done-ed all 60 books (left over) by 11AM together with Farah & Aizzad. No more work. Asked KakWani for another task. Me and Farah did the stock but Farah left me alone not even half way -___- So i did all 5 boxes alone. Make sure all books stated in the invoice received and need to arrange it. Wahh! But i finish it in less that 2 hours. Asked for another task. Check invoice.. original copies gave to her, then have to photocopy those have no duplicate. Done-ed again. 'Cepat nye uat keje, superwomen ker kau?' HAHA! Again asked Kakwani. Helped Aunty with pasting barcode. LOL! I took my very sweet time because i afraid KakWani might be pissed off with me.. keep asking her for new task hehs! Mengamok jugak die tuu. Over 100 hundreds books so it should be just nice for me to finish all and call it a day. But no. The last to finish.. nasib Cik Ani pun lom abes keje die ahas! Oh and we had celebration for Mooncake festival and Deepavali during our lunch time. Superbbb foods :D Aku maha lantak dan mencekik sume makanan.
Rugi Lina tak datang keje (gi jln raya).
Se-sedap to the max. Extremely delicious!

In conclusion, i love working with them. Sadly, my three days has ended but i can continue if i want. Should i? Kak Wani wants me to come on this Wed Thurs Fri since i have school on Mon & Tues. Those makcik(s) also hoping to see me next week too, especially Lina&Farah.
I want but, iam pack for next week. Gt audition and stomp also. Tsk.
How eh?

First day.

2009-09-30T23:20:00.014+08:00

Temporary Assistant at Ciciva.

Firstday working was doing quite good. Easy thou'. Temporary Assistant at Ciciva Except that my comp giving me abit of urgh, hang laa.. jam laa.. lack laa. Macam2. Staffs there is friendly, esp my supervisor (KakWani). I meant real friendly and kecoh kind. Despite their age is way yearss different frm us (Me Lina Farah).. including Lina's twin, Liyana, i click pretty well with few of them already.

Meaning, we four is the youngest in the department. I bet the rest like between late 20-50s?
Really. No joking.

Frankly, I missed working and I love doing Admin work. Have own table, desktop and Farah next to me :D Updating each other while doing our work. Hehs, tons of updates. And will confirm continue tomorrow. For sure. Tak akan habis punyee.

So, thanks to Lina&Farah for calling me in the morning while i was sleeping like a LOG (ZZzzzz). Wanting me to accept working with them for 3days straight. Yeps, 3days but i will consider to continue. Had quick bath and zooommm to work. I tell you.. their shocking faces was kind of funny when they saw me. What not, i reached in less than an hour?

Semangat keje beb! 'Kate pekerja tercontoh' x) Tapi muke basi gi keje kwangkwangkwang!! Kelam kabut seh. Macam ribut ni dua call aku. Dalah orang separuh bangun mase uat keputusan. Main iye ajer aku tadi. HAHA!

Mostly, iam happy to meet my two girls. Really. Been so f-long. So tomorrow, will have breakfast with them & off to work together. Lunch time, maybe eat outside? Or shall i bring something frm home? Tapi costumes siapa pulak nak gi hantar pat Bibik bsk? Erm aku laa nampaknye tapi siapa nak temankan saya besok???? And shall i go watch movie tomorrow too? Because since morning i've been wanting to watch movie. Sorang? Tapi saya nak!
Saya nak sangat2 ngok besok!!

Bonne nuit :) ~

Raya ; Lanang Ayunda

2009-09-29T14:08:00.004+08:00

Raya-ing with Lanang Ayunda mates :D

Started off from Iffah's house at Yishun and Jaz's house (Leen's bf) at Woodlands. I like Jaz's cousin so much, so-the-friendly laa. Tak sunyi seh rumah lau gini. I love talking to this kind of people.. Nxt year raya nak gi umah die lagi la gini. Make sure Leen and her bf last long :D AMIN. It was a very long journey. So, if i not sitting with KakBanie in the bus.. I took the time to replenished my energy. Too much of laughing and talking mostly :) Then down to Hougang. Afiqah's house. Then meet up with Yana at Hougang Inter after her work/attachment. And Syafiq too. He came back from Seremban just because he die-die want to join us.. wah, sanggup betol. Bused to my house. By then it was time for night prayer (Mahgrib) so, they solat at my house. The boys berjemaah at the living room. I love looking at people who solat jemaah.. The feeling so calm. The girls too. Then the girls went in my room for touch up, haha! Mane dgn blusher la eyeliner laa.. Kecoh ler korang! :D The boys over at my bro's room.. betol2 kan rambut dan samping. Off to Sengkang, Nana's house. Had roti kirai! Mengindam beb! Ate alot *peace* padahal 3keping je hehe! After that, we all cab-ed to Bedok, Zizie's house. Was syafiq's treat for 3 cabs. Let me repeat THREE CABS. Yeshh, he paid for all of us, good hor him. Oh wells, look whose partner mah *kening naik turun* Ehem2. Last house, Leen, at Tampines. Whaao, Spaghetti.. aku pon mengindam tu jugak! YumYum! Sedappppp oii. Slack for awhile watched TV and snip snap pictures. Alar, standard la we all. Favourite part gini :) Afterwhich, i cab-ed back home. Confirm no more bus by the time i reach Bedok or Tampines.

Thou not much houses we covered but i do have tons of great time laughing my ass out with these fellas. And me being little crazy.. muka tak senonoh amek gambar, nenek jual keropok mlm2 hehe! Macam budak2 sungguh.com. But i swear, my legs can't take it anymore. My heels can even peee-caaahh too. HAHA! What not.. Most of the time we ran after buses. Even after we alighted.. few seconds later we have to run after another bus. Aisey Bocapp uh, larriiii!!

More closer and strengthen our bonds together. I loveyou all.
To the rest, do upload pictures and our-raya videos too!
Kecohhh la korang, aku sayang korang :D

Just for you

2009-09-27T23:14:00.003+08:00

Sometimes we see things that aren’t meant to be seen.
Sometimes things aren’t always as they seem.
Sometimes we need someone to call our own,
Especially when we’re alone.
Sometimes people just can’t understand,
Why things get out of hand.
Sometimes life just isn’t fair,
Especially when people just don’t care.
And sometimes it's hard to say,
Why things have to be this way.
Sometimes it’s all you can do to get by,
Especially when dreams continue to die.
Sometimes it’s nice to sit in the rain.
Even to just relieve the pain.
And when we’ve had a really bad day,
Sometimes we just need to get away.
We never know what’s wrong with out pain.
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same.
And sometimes when people get hurt,
Even the strongest ones may need to be comfort.

'Iam sorry for being mean, making you cry all nights long from the stress you have. I'm sorry to make you feel betrayed, hurt and not understand you like what you've said. I dont want to say about what i feel, because always what you feel is much important to me. I'd tried all, but all seems to be wrong in your eyes. And lately for some reason, we've been too much of cold. I never dream/ came across my mind things would have become this bad for real. You often say i've cut you with a knife, but for real..trust me, I only want the best for you, within your life. I never meant for you to feel like this. At times, i wonder when will you give me the time to explain for that some reasons, or that makes you mad. If so, either you won't listen or take all as excuses. Everything just so wrong to you. You are making me worry. Am sorry if im not the kind of friend that you are looking for. '

Raya ; Cemta-ians

2009-09-27T21:56:00.008+08:00

Went Raya-ing with few of Cemta-ians. But as we visit from house to house, from 14 people left with only the few of us. Just to make it short and simple. Had fun times at Yana's crib, open house. Out of all houses we visited, we spent almost 3 hours there. Eating, laughing and mostly karaoke-ing :) GREAT! They also forced me to sing -.- I don't sing in front of people one you know. So consider yourself lucky. HAHA, prasan aku! Suara macam katak panggil hujan beb! Off to Haicurl's house. His grandma's nasi briyani was marvelous, the chicken, FUYOO!! Then to MsHaslina, Elah and Kassim's house. Only planned to visit few houses only. So it was a relaxing visiting. No rushing.

SIM Performance

2009-09-25T22:20:00.013+08:00

(Jatuh yer Fliq? HEHES ! )

Yesterday's performance at SIM went so well. Despite, me was not that really confident with the steps initially. I stressed myself for the past two days to get every steps. Stressful! Alhamdullilah i get all at the very last few hours and seriously, everyone was super great :) Okayyy, silly me for suddenly lost the confident during performing. Not because of the steps but other thing. Funny! Smile will do the tricks :D The rest, Hip hop dancers, Guitar Ensembles and Daiko was superb as well.

Then went Ehub watched Phobia with SimSim and his bestfriend, MBK. I thought this two boys can at least be brave enough, but i was wrong. Takleh harapan betol. Terangkat kaki yer SimSim ;D HAHAHA! Haiya.. takleh harapan betul nie dia. Quite scary laa i tell you. I hate the sound effect, the ghost's voice/or whatever it called. Scary mary. Closed my ears and covered face too. Chet, bodoh nye citer uat orang terkejut aje hehs! I love the last story, FUNNY! I dont know if i should laugh or scream at one time :) For me, i prefer to watch horror movies at cinema.. aru ade feel beb! Like what happened yesterday. Abes kelakian dan kewanitaan sume orang *laughing loudly*. Afterwhich, slack-ed at Pasir Ris Park. Actually it's been ages i last went there, as in, sit down.. relax and chill. So, we three had good time together laughing at each other's mistakes , sharing opinions from one topic to another and so on and forth. Best pulak macam gini. Nana suke sangat-sangat :) But it seems time fly so fast. We headed back home. Always happens ; When we are having so much fun, time will forever envy us.

For today, stuck at home since im not that well since yesterday. When out for while in the morning. Before that, i heard someone wailing loudly around 7.30am. As a 'concern neighbour', i went to check out what happened. I thought there was a fight at the next block.. so I scanned each houses. To my surprise, i saw someone lying unconscious on the ground. With two of her maids crying at her side. Aisey! No wonder la. So again, being a 'concern neighbour' i watched and waited patiently for what happened next :) But not too long because i got to go already. Spoilt betul hehs! Then i sat nearly 7hours in front of the TV, watching Korean Drama. Khai lend it too me because he said i must watch.. the girl really look like me. Not her appearance but her characters.. Very blur-sotong like me. Indeed lor! Total there's 6 disc.. around 3hours per CD. Im done with the 3rd disc now. Phew! Ilove the drama, and i love the bf too! The two brothers so caringgg like hell towards the blur-sotong girl(me). Lucky you. Protected from any harm. Lau la dpt bf gitu.. confirm tak cari lain punyaa Ahahs! Aww.. The bf just simply melts me away. Till i fell asleep -.-
Can't wait to finish up the the rest of the cds.

'The hero saves the beauty'.

Raya updating

2009-09-22T15:22:00.004+08:00

EXCITED when they get their green packets..
Sekejap-sekejap masuk bank.. da berat ker? HAHA!

How can i not adore these kids, you tell me?
Urgh! Geramsssss aku dengan budak-budak ni.
Gigit kang.. HAHA ! Aunty love you all tau! :)

. . . . . . .

It's not easy to have this kind of meetup otherthan raya. So.. you see, i won't slip this precious moments with them. Nonetheless, i always do miss this atmosphere whereby, i could see my other families under one roof. Tears of joy, seek forgiveness and all. Not all came for the firstday but yes for secondday together with family from M'sia. I'm glad to meet them. Datang time aku tengah tido mcm balak seh korang! Hahss! I miss my little ones the most!! Seeing them running around and having fun among themselves spells JOY. Their laugter that makes this house filled with happiness. Not forgetting cousins gossiping at one corner too LOL!

Yesterday ; Second day of raya.
Raya-ing with not completed families yet.. 1 lorry 1 van and 2 cars.
Managed to cover up 9 houses in total. By then everyone was totally shagged. Tetido-tido aku dlm van bile nak balik kwang3! And i love to go Chua Chu Kang because confirm got good-foods to eat and mostly, get chocolatessssss! There's variety to choose, i lov'in it! Anyway, my aunties keep saying that i lost sooo much weight. Eat moreee! Some said ''You're slim&tall like Tyra Banks'' -.- Aiseyy! Dulu Aishwaryarai sekarang Tyra pulak. Geee! Not one or two but more that five said that, mind you!! Not about Tyra but about me slim like bamboo.

Aunty: Nana da kurus ehk sekarang. Ape jadi?
Me: Slim? Orang da gemuk seh! Da TEMBAB ni hah! Tengok!
Aunty: Tembab nana dulu lagi lawa. Nampak pipi naik biler senyum.
Dimple pon boleh nampak lagi dalam. Sekarang kering ajee..hahaa!

Kirekan skrg tak lawa ke Nana? HAHA! But i have to agree with them. I prefer my ol' chubby then now. Abeh lau makan naik ke pipi bukan badan aje, macam mane seh? Nanti kepala berat pulak abeh badan sekeping LOL! Nevermind about that. Maybe i too overwork with school stuffs that's why iam slim me-lim :) Hardworking mah what to do *smiling* Uncle from M'sia have went back home in the afternoon after jalan-jalan at geylang. It sad me when we didnt get to visit Nenek today :( Most of us start working and schooling already. Was so excited but cancelled. Sedih la sangat. Uncle should have come on the first day of raya so that we all can spend more time together & more house to finish up.

I hope you could share this greatest moments with us from up above.
You're truly missed, nenek :'(

SELAMAT HARI RAYA SEMUA!

2009-09-20T13:50:00.004+08:00

Sempena Hari yang mulia ini, di Hari Raya, Nana ingin menyusun sepuluh jari memohon ampun dan maaf atas segala kesilapan Nana.. baik yang kecil ataupun yang besar. Nana tidak berniat untuk menyinggung hati sesiapa walau sedikit pun. Maaf seandainya Nana ada terkasar bahasa dan bergurau yang berlebihan. Halal makan minum Nana. Maaf Zahir dan Batin.

Mudah-mudahan hari lebaran tahun ini lebih bermakna untuk teman-teman yang Nana sayangi.
Salam sayang dan tulus ikhlas dari,
Raihanah Rahmat.

Hajah Halijah yang dirindui ..

2009-09-20T01:37:00.009+08:00

Here comes Raya. But in my enthu' for raya, somehow, it sad me to see Ramadhan has ended for this year. Like i mentioned before, none of us know if there's Ramadhan again for us. But insya'allah, we all get to fast again nxt year :) So yes, im all done with spring cleaning the entire house.. i love this kind of situation of last minutes shopping/cleaning, kecoh beb! Oh and, i already know how to make ketupat! Suker la sangat! Thankyou Mak.

Meanwhile.. in the midst of have good time over here.. i secretly wished nenek is here with us. Sitting at the corner laughing together with us. Watching tv and join in the fun. I really do wish she were still here, by my side. She a gem and everything to me. I miss sharing with her, my thoughts feelings and etc. By now, i have tons to update to her. But i think i have nothing to worry. I believed she already knew what i've been through.. no need to share hehs. The most that i missed is, her affection and more-ly the way she know how to handle me.. how to comfort me (sayang-sayang). I don't know how but she just know the trick. Missed the moments we both would actually fights over mini-small things. Ahas, that was cute thou'. You have never slip from my mind&heart. You are one of them who keeps me moving on and makes me believe love is all around. If now, during raya, she would be busy helping Mak in the kitchen. Hm pity Mak doing most of the cooking all alone bcoz i can't help much. I don't know how to cook mahh.. but at least, still help out with other stuffs.
Nenek, again, won't be celebrating Raya with you.. I miss your presence. We all do!
And I miss someone to hold, actually.

I truly missing you.
Al-Fatheha.

N I N E T E E N ;

2009-09-19T22:39:00.005+08:00

"Happy birthday to me,
Happy birthday to me,
Happy birthday Happy birthday..
HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY TO ME !"

I know it's kindda crazy but, i would like to mention their names here..
Because Raihanah is Blessed to have you all =D

Thankyou(s) for the well wishes thru FB/call/sms/msn/blog :
(calls) Atikah MrAzlan Leana, KazD&family, Akmal, Farah.
Advance gift/gudluck charm frm secret admire.
(sms/fb/msn) HafizGC, AndiGC, Priya, Atikah, AbgArmy;Shafiq, Yuhaniz, Sufiyan, Khairul'Aizat, Ema, Khairullah, Hirzie, IlahCuzzin, Luqman, Fatris, Muhd, Gf Lina, KakBanie Leana, KakIezah, Andi, Yana, Hyekel, Wan, Shana, KhairiStress, Gf Janah, Azmin.. Zurrah, Q, AmalinaTWIN, Haicurl, KazD & family, Azirah, Zeenol, Ellah, MrAyob, Samantha, AfiqGC, Iffah, Syuhaidah, Wai Mun, Ayuni, Aileen, Zab, Halijah, Mingyi, Noraini, Gf Lina, Netasher, Jasmine, Ewan, Raif.. Luqman Kamal;Hoobs, Ariffin, Gf Ernie, Amanda.. Passer & hazyrah(blog)

Sorry if i did missed anyone. Will update if there's more :)

TY(s) KazD for the surprise-tissue-ketupat, wishes(call/FB) and shoutout at msn ; full name yer? Sayang awak Hehs! & Ellah too! Fatris Zab and Calvin for the special 'birthday song' for me. AND thanks ehk Calvin.. kasi ade riot jap pat FB HAHAHS! AKU LAAARRRIIII !! ~

To Khai, just so you know.. iam indeed very blessed to know you. And that sweetest message ever, just make me feel happy and, it touched right down to my heart :) Yes, it moved me to tears. No other words can describe. Thankyou very much for everything!
You know i love you ♥

Iam seriously HAPPY today. I AM I AM!
Thank(s) to you, everyone! You people really make my day.. on my 19th birthday!
I REALLY DO LOVE YOU :)
Sayang you all!